


The Artist and the Mechanic

by SquareBeans



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Drug Use, F/F, this is going to ve pretty ooc if im being honest, tw mentions of drug use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:53:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 36,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26550040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquareBeans/pseuds/SquareBeans
Summary: Clarke Griffin doesn't believe in love, especially after she had her heart broken. Lexa Woods is interested in why Clarke doesnt like the concept of love.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 66
Kudos: 97





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I type everything on my phone so any and all typos are on me. I am looking for a beta though to help with grammar and typos and to keep me motivated:D. Also I'm kinda basing some of this fic off my own personal experiences and experiences some people I know have gone through that consented to letting me add their stories in this.

"Love. What - a - concept." The man on the radio said each word with a pause in between. "What even is love? How do you know you're in love?" 

Clarke Griffin repeated the lines in her head over and over again and she pulled up to her art studio. She glanced at the radio and turned it off. 

'Love is dumb,' Clarke scoffs at the thought and words repeating in her head. 'Love is weakness.' She rolls her eyes to herself and gets out of her beat up 2004 dirt grey honda civic. 

Sighing and running a hand through her blonde hair, Clarke walks up to the studio and unlocks the door. She smiles and her blue eyes glisten as she looks around the paint encrusted room. She inhaled, breathing in the slight fumes of the dried paint. 

Clarke took off her green backpack and placed it by the front of the studio. She opened it and pulled out a small bag of different sized paint brushes and a few different types of paints, some used a lot more than others. The blonde walked over to a blank canvas and picked it up, putting it on the wooden stand. She grabbed a small cup from her bag, and poured some water from a water bottle into it. 

Clarke pulled up a chair and sat down, staring at the blank canvas. 

Two minutes has gone by.

Four minutes went by and she still hasn't started painting. 

Five, then six, and seven minutes have gone by and Clarke still hasn't put the brush on the canvas yet. 

Finally taking her paint brush and dipping it in black paint, Clarke let her hands flow freely as she kept repeating the same lines over in her head that she had heard on the radio.

'How do you know you're in love?'

Clarke finally wrote on the white linen board. "What is love? Baby don't hurt me." The blonde giggled to herself. "Love is dumb." Clarkes vibrant blue eyes grew dark. "Love takes everything away from you. Love crushes you..." she says to herself. "Love is fucking great, but it's so soul wrenching. You give yourself away to someone, give them your all and when you expect it back..." Clarke trails off, stopping herself mid-rant. "You dont get it back." She finally finishes. "Its almost like ripping a piece of yourself off and giving it to someone so they could fill a hole that you're both expecting to be able to... to fix. But!" She's almost shouting in the empty room. "But when you expect them to help you fill your hole they don't... if they try to they take a smaller piece of themselves, smaller than what you gave them, smaller than the hole you have and they expect it to be better. They expect it to be good." Clarke looks around, realizing what she had been doing. 

Nothing. She was doing nothing. She was standing there with a paint brush in her hand doing nothing but shouting into the void. 

"Fuck love," she scoffed one last time before taking the canvas off the wooden stand and placing it on the floor.

With new inspiration, Clarke pulled up a new canvas and dipped her brush in the water cup she had planted. 

Sticking her tongue out in concentration, Clarke dipped her brush in red paint and put the soaked bristles on the board, flicking and turning her wrist in hand in various directions, creating art. 

___

"Griffin! Good of you to finally show up!" Raven Reyes stood up and leaned in to hug Clarke. "Where have you been all day?" She sat back down at the restuarant table, putting an arm over the back of her chair with her body facing Clarke.

Clarke shrugs and smiles at one of her best friends, "I was painting. You know, twenty something year old starving artist and all. I had to do something for a client. She wanted a new piece for her vacation home." Clarke looked at the water glasses in front of them and picked one up, taking a large gulp. 

"Oh yeah? What's the piece inspiration?" Raven flipped her dark brown hair over her shoulder. "How long do you have to finish it?" 

'Love' Clarke thought. 

"It's just something small she wants. Her inspiration was sunsets... and L.A." Clarke turned her body towards Raven, leaning her arms on her thighs. "What about you? How's your engineering... stuff going?" 

Raven let out a small laugh, "my 'engineering stuff?' Come on, Clarke." 

"You have to explain this stuff to me one day, I don't understand quantum physics or... whatever." 

"One day blondie."

"You guys started without me? Rude." Octavia Blake sat down at a vacant seat with a loud 'plop'. "I have news!" Octavia's green eyes widened in anticipation. 

"Oh! News! I love a good conversation about some news!" Raven exaggerated excitement. She placed her elbow on the table and her chin in her hand, holding up her head. "Please. Do tell." She smiled, mockingly at their other best friend. 

"Okay first of all," Octavia scoffed. "Rude... again." She smiled widely, showing off her teeth. "Lincoln proposed!" 

"Fuck love," Clarke said immediately, quickly realizing what she had said. "I-I mean not for you guys. You two are, like, the perfect couple. Just for me, fuck love... for me." She quickly rambled, trying to fix what she had just said. 

"Damn, Griffin, rough breakup?" Raven was giving Clarke a sincere look. 

The blonde shook her head, "No it-it's fine. Sorry, Octavia. Keep going?" 

"He proposed in such a romantic way!" Octavia started. "We were camping in the mountains and it started to snow a little bit during the day. I was enjoying the snow and making snow angels, as always. Anyways, he leaned down like he had to tie his shoe. I honestly had no idea!" Octavia animatedly talked. 

Clarke had started to tone her out, ignoring all the important parts of the story. 

The waitress came by and took their orders and filled up their water cups, which Clarke had appreciated a lot more than she should have. 

Clarke had ordered something small, considering she wasn't that hungry. 

Raven and Octavia had ordered something heavier, including dessert, something Clarke had almost never skipped out of. 

"Alright, Griffin, let me explain engineering to you, you too, O." Raven smiled to herself. 

Clarke left out a slightly too loud chuckle, "Thanks bestfriend, but maybe another time. I'm too focused on this piece I want to work on." She smiled widely at Raven. "I want it to be more on my attention then trying to understand engineering." 

Raven just shrugs and faces Octavia, "what about you? Or are you going to be too busy planning a wedding?" She wiggles her eyebrows.

"As much as I would really, and I mean really, love to learn engineering, I just would rather not. Maybe you can tell me it as a bed time story one day." 

The waitress puts the check down in the middle of the table for the three girls.

Octavia grabs the check before anyone else can react, "Its on me." She reaches into her jeans pocket. "No tip from you guys either. I promise. It's all on me." The brunette smiles sweetly at the two other girls.

"What? Octavia!" Clarke protested as she reached into her paint stained pants pocket. "At least let us pay the tip."

"Nope!" Octavia slammed the check and her card on the table.

That was that. 

___ 

"Ugh!" Clarke let out a loud groan as she plopped on the couch of her tiny apartment. She looked around at the dirty dishes that were sitting on the coffee table in front of her. The blonde sighed deeply and got up, grabbing a few of the plates. 

She tossed the food that sat on them into her small trashcan in the kitchen and placed them in the sink, running some water over them.

'Ping'

Clarke glanced towards the couch where she had left her phone. 

'Yo Griff. You good girl?'  
'What was that thing about fuck love you said?'  
'You know me and O love you right?'  
You're family to us'

The messages came one after another, almost immediately.

Clarke smiled at her phone and the barrage of messages. 

'Its nothing Reyes'  
'I heard a thing on the radio and it got me thinking about stupid shit'  
'Obviously I got dumped but I'll get over it'  
'You know how it is' 

Clarke responded to Raven, sending a large amount of texts just like her friend had done to her. 

'You're good though right blondie?'

A message came back almost immediately after she had sent her last one.

Honestly, Clarke was not okay. She couldn't tell her friends that though. She was too scared to officially say she might be depressed or how she wishes she could just drown herself in her work. How she didn't want to go to the restaurant Octavia had invited them to just so she could hear the news between her and her boyfriend - no fiance. 

It's been a few years since her last relationship. She would never admit to her bestfriends, although she should, how lonely she felt, and how much she missed affection.

She missed words, the soft subtle tones in someones voice coaxing her with sweet nothings. She missed getting those dumb text messages of a picture of her favorite cereal with the caption saying 'I thought of you when I saw this' with a little smiley face at the end. She missed receiving gifts. Small gifts. Insignificant gifts. Something that the person saw and just thought 'I saw this rock and I thought you would really like it' for mo apart reason. 

Quality time, she missed tremendously. Being able to spend time with her lover. Just hanging out, doing absolutely nothing or doing everything. It killed Clarke to be alone almost all the time, despite having friends who cared more about her than anything. Friends who would drop, pretty much, anything to go and help her if she just asked. 

The one thing Clarke will miss more than anything. More than hearing the quiet 'I love you' in the darkness with just her and someone else. 

Touching. Clarke craved the gentle touch of someone. The blonde missed holding hands. She missed feeling someone next to her at night, or the softness of their arm over her stomach or back while she slept. The sensual feeling during an intense moment only the two of them shared together in the quiets of her, or their, room. 

Just as Clarke was going to respond to Ravens message, her phone started to ring. 

"Hello?" She answered tenderly.

"Clarke Griffin?" A deep voice responded. 

"This is her," Clarke furrowed her brow, confused. 

"One moment please. I'm going go transfer you to someone. I'm John Murphy, by the way."

"O-Okay?" Clarke didn't know how to respond when she heard the phone go quiet for a few seconds.

"Hello? This is Clarke Griffin right?" The softer tone of a womans voice spoke.

"Yeah? Who is this?" Clarke piqued. 

"I'm Lexa Woods. One of my clients was telling me all about your paintings and showed me something you had made her. I was wondering if you could make me a custom painting?"

"O-Oh yes!" Clarke quickly ran to her kitchen to grab a pen and a sticky note. "Do you mind if I ask a few questions to help me with my process?"

"I'd rather you meet me in person," the voice on the other end sounded amused. "If that's okay with with you?"

"Yes!" Clarke said a little bit too excited. She closed her eyes tightly, cringing at the tone of her voice. "I'll have to charge you though, for the drive. Where is it at?"

"Of course. I wouldn't expect anything different." Lexa let out a small sigh. 

"What's the inspiration, if you dont mind me asking."

"Love."

Fuck. 

There was a laugh coming from Lexas end.

"I'm sorry. I'm not really that important of a person. I had my friend call you because I was too nervous and it made me sound a little more important than I actually am." Lexa explained to the blonde girl.

"Wait, what? So you still want a painting or is this some kind of prank call?" Clarke was slightly annoyed. She could feel her patients growing thin. 

"No! I am. I really am!" Lexa quickly explained. "I-I just dont know if I can fully afford it?"

"Then why call me?"

"My sister has a painting from you. A-And it's good. Like really good. I do want a painting from you. I just... I dont know how to explain it." Lexa could feel herself rambling. She took a deep breath and opened her mouth. "I'm sorry. Let me try this again. Hi, I'm Lexa Woods. I would like to purchase some art from you." 

"You still have to pay me if you want me to go there," Clarke kept herself monotone. 

"I can do that!" Lexa cringed at how excited she sounded. "I can pay you for your drive down. Do you need the address to my apartment or do you want to meet at my work?"

Clarke sighed and leaned against the counter in her kitchen. "I guess your work. Where do you work?"

"I'm a mechanic. I work at a mom and pop automotive shop. You've probably driven by it before. It's small so a lot of people over see it. It's one of the best shops around though. So much better than a dealership!"

"Lexa!" Clarke shouted into the phone. "Just fucking tell me where it is already. I don't your damn life story."

"You're right," Lexa's voice was calm. "I'm sorry I just get nervous sometimes. It's right off of Date street." 

"I know where that is," Clarke took a deep breath before slowly letting it out. "What's the inspiration?" She asked again.

"I'm not changing my answer to that, Clarke."

Clarke felt a twinge in her chest at the way her name sounded to the girl on the other end.

"My inspiration is still 'love'."

"What's your budget range?" Clarke tried to change the subject, still a little shakey from her name being in Lexa's mouth.

"If I'm being completely honest, about five hundred bucks."

"What the fuck?" Clarke was exasperated. "You know my work doesnt go for anything less than three grand right? Who the fuck is your sister that bought something from me?"

Lexa could feel herself cower at the tone of the blondes voice, "A-Anya Woods?" She squeaked out. 

"Wow, Anya Woods, I should have guessed based off the last name. But she has a sister who is trying to undercut me by a lot for my own art work?" Clarke scoffed. She remembered who Anya was. She had called for something Clarke had posted online and bought it immediately. 

When Anya came to pick it up she had asked, and paid in advance, for a specific piece she wanted. It wasn't a painting she wanted though, it was a colored pencil sketch she wanted. Even after Clarke had given her a ridiculous price she accepted, paid in advance, and paid her an extra large amount once she received it. 

Clarke never did understand why she was so interested in the bald eagle in a forested area with a couple of background forest animals. She remembered the drawing well though.

"It wasn't a painting," Clarke finally broke the silence.

"What?"

"I drew that, for your sister. It wasn't a painting."

"That wasn't a painting? Holy shit! You're actually really, insanely talented!" Lexa was smiling widely. "I always thought it was. It's pretty much my sisters prized possession. I can't go near it because it's her favorite thing in the world. Which upsets me a little bit because I'm her sister. I would assume she likes me more, right?"

"Okay I really don't need your life story, like I said." Clarke could hear the annoyance in her tone of voice. "I'll meet you tomorrow at your work. Around noon?" 

"Yes! That is okay with me!"

"Bye," Clarke hung up the phone without bothering to wait for a response. She sighed and sat turned towards her sink filled with dishes. 

'Ping'

A message came, probably from Raven since she didnt respond to the previous message. 

She quickly typed a response saying something like, 'I'm fine was just on a call with a new client. Call you later.' 

It's not how she would normally message her friends, but she didn't want to talk to anyone for the rest of the night. 

'Love.' She thought. 'What a concept.'

Fuck.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obligatory I typed everything in my phone so sorry for all typos and weird mistakes. 
> 
> I am still looking for a beta of anyone is interested!

"Saying something like 'I love you' doesn't necessarily make it true. If your partner praises you, compliments you, or even encourages you no matter how bad you look that day or how many times you mess up shows their affection towards you. Words of affirmation are a huge key."

Clarke rolls her eyes at the radio host, wondering why she even left the station on. 

'Polis Autobody'

Clarke double checks the address on the sticky note she put on the steering wheel of her car. 

She tenderly pulls into a parking spot and just sits there, memorizing the street address.

Clarke flips her sun visor down and opens the mirror. She double checks her makeup and fixes a few loose strands of hair. The blonde smiles to herself, thinking what Raven would say. 

'These losers don't know the hard engineering part! Why are you fixing your hair so much, Griffin? It's just a body shop, and you're just meeting a client.'

Clarke flipped the sun visor back up and looked at the address one last time before getting out of her car. 

"Hello," a man was sitting behind a waist high counter. He had darker brown hair and brown eyes. "Can I help you?" 

"Yeah, actually I was wondering if 'Lexa Woods' is around? She told me to meet her here." Clarke walked up to the counter and looked at the name tag on the guys dark blue polo shirt. "Were you the 'John' who called me yesterday?" She squinted at him. 

"Oh u-um... I'll go get Lexa," John smiled awkwardly and rushed off to the back. 

Clarke rolled her eyes and took in a deep breath. She kept her eyes on the door that John had gone through in case he came back. 

"Clarke?"

The blonde whipped around, staring into the green eyes of Lexa Woods. 

The second thing Clarke noticed, either than her strikingly green eyes, was her tattoos. She had a full black and grey realism underwater tattoo on her right arm that snuck under the sleeve of her uniform. She had some smaller, more playful looking ones on her left arm.

"You're Lexa?" Clarke eyed the girl, noticing a white name tag with 'Lexa' embroidered into her uniform. She noticed some dirt spots on her forehead and cheek.

Lexa was wearing a typical light blue jumpsuit, with stains of grease all over the chest, stomach, and thigh areas. She had safety glasses on that she had pushed to the top of her head. Her long brown hair was pulled into a high ponytail. 

"Yes!" Lexa said a little too excitedly. "I'm going to go ahead and assume you're the infamous Clarke Griffin?" She smiled eagerly at the blonde. 

"Yeah. I am." Clarke responded dryly. "I'm going to be completely honest here and say I don't really want to make any small talk. I just want to get any more details about exactly what you want so I can start working on this." 

"Oh..." Lexa looked at her feet on the ground. She pulled a dirty red rag from her pocket and started toying with it in her hands. "Yeah. That's fine." She smiled tightly and walked over to the blonde. "We can go outside. It's my lunch time anyway. Unless you want to go somewhere to eat?"

"I'm good, thanks." 

Lexa nodded and ushered her outside and to a bench. 

"So what exactly do you have in mind about this piece?" Clarke asked, eyeing the girl sitting next to her. 

"Okay so, picture this," Lexa started off gesturing her hands. "You know how there's different types of love languages?"

Clarke nodded. 

"I want the idea of being able to show someone that you love them without actually saying it. Like if someone comes up to you and says 'oh I saw this and thought you would like it.' I want people to be able to see it from the outside." Lexa found herself rambling and abruptly stopped. 

"How am I supposed to do that?" Clarke scoffed. 

"Just..." Lexa took a deep breath in before slowly letting it out. "Have you ever been in love? Or at least thought you were?" 

"Mhm..." Clarke nodded slowly, unsure where this was going. 

"I want someone to look at this painting ,or drawing or whatever you decide to do, and just immediately think 'this person's in love!' Without even a second thought." Lexa looked off in the distance. 

"You know," Clarke started. "People normally give me a reference picture or two." 

Lexa looked at Clarke, "I want a Clarke Griffin original." 

"With how much you're going to be paying me I don't think I'll be able to give entirely what you want."

"Think about it, Clarke." 

'Why do I keep getting this electric feeling when she says my name? The fuck me?' 

Clarke realized she hasn't been paying attention to what the brunette was saying. She quickly focused her attention on Lexa, catching the end of what she was saying.

"... it's almost like five different ways to show someone you love them. There's words, doing specific types of service like house work without them asking. Like what I said earlier too, gifts. Something that just catches your eye and thinking 'man they would love that.' Spending time with them while they're doing their favorite thing, whether it's watching their favorite movie or TV show or going to a concert with them. Personally, I don't mind PDA... up to a point. But i also think that's a big part of it. Holding hands randomly just to feel their warmth or..." Lexa paused before slowly looking at Clarke. "Kissing them just because you think they look really good in that moment."

Clarke suddenly stood up. She felt her cheeks growing warm. 

Lexa looked up at her, a confused look plastered across her face. 

"You know five hundred bucks isn't going to be nearly enough, right?" 

Lexa shrugs, "I'm sure I can make it up somehow." 

"Who is this even for?" Clarke demanded, taking a small step back. 

Lexas expression grew dark. She turned her eyes away from the blonde."For me... mostly." She whispered 

"What was that?"

"It's mostly for me," Lexa said a bit louder this time. "Its for someone, b-but mostly for me." 

Clarke nodded, "Mind telling me who for, then?"

"An ex."

"Why an ex? You two broke up for a reason, did you not?"

"Not... exactly," Lexa shook her head and stood up. "Listen, I'm not here to explain why I want this. I just want it to be something original. Something that no one else has or could have." Lexas green eyes were vibrant as she looked into Clarkes blue eyes. "I want it to be a Clarke Griffin original." She gave a toothy smile.

Clarke sighed and put her hand to her forehead, "It's going to be a hard project with how little you essentially gave me. Do you have a time frame you'd like it to be done in or...?"

"Not really, honestly," Lexa shrugged. "I just want something." 

"The price is most likely going to be way more than what your price range is," Clarke blinked at the brunette.

"Well since we don't really have an exact date planned, I guess I have time to save up, huh?" Lexa softly smiled. "Here, let me give you my number in case you have any more questions." Lexa pulled a pen from her breast pocket and shoved a hand in one of her jumpsuit pockets. "Hold on I have a piece of paper somewhere in here." After a moment, Lexa pulled out a torn piece of paper. "I knew I had some." She quickly scribbled down her number and looked at it, smiling at her handiwork. Lexa gave the paper to the waiting blonde. "Message me or call me whenever if you have any questions." 

"Thanks," Clarke looked at the neat handwriting on the smudged paper. "I have a lot right now, but when I think of more I'll let you know." She gave the brunette a tight smile. "You owe me forty bucks for gas, by the way." 

"What?"

"For gas?"

"FORTY BUCKS?!" Lexas eyes were wide. "What kind of car do you drive?" 

Clarke smirked, "Alright it's more like twenty." 

"That's reasonable," Lexa put her hand in her pocket, searching for her wallet.

"But I want forty," Clarke finished.

"But..." Lexa sighed in defeat. "Okay." She pulled out her dark green wallet and opened it, pulling out two bills. "I guess I did say I would pay for your gas." 

"Thank you! Consider it also part of your down payment." Clarke grabbed the two bills from the brunette's hand and smiled. "I'll be in my studio tomorrow, I have another piece I'm supposed to be working on, but if I don't find any inspiration I might start working on yours. Expect a call or a message sometime around ten in the morning."

Lexa nodded, "Sounds good to me! I'll be waiting for your call. I-I mean if you do call. I don't mean I'll be sitting and waiting for it. I j-just mean I'll be expecting it. Only if you do though. If you don't that's fine." Lexa laughed awkwardly. "Don't feel pressured into calling." She stopped talking, feeling her cheeks and neck burning. "I-I have to go." The brunette quickly turned around and walked into the beige building.

"What?" Clarke blinked at what just unfolded in front of her. 

Clarke walked over to her car and looked at the paper with the girls number on it before inputting it into her contacts. 

____

Clarke turned the radio volume all the way down today as she took the short drive to her studio. She opted for silence, mostly because she couldn't actually change the radio station and her CD player just got stuck and would just eat any CD she tried to put in there. And that she couldn't even turn it off. She had to hope that the volume would go down instead of going up and end up blasting whatever was on at the time. 

She reached her studio and parked in the vacant lot. Clarke sighed and looked at the backpack on the passenger seat. 

The grey cloth was almost completely faded, with a couple of stains here and there, on her car seats. 

She wiped her hands on her dark blue jeans and grabbed the green bag off the seat. 

Unlocking the studio doors, Clarke felt her phone vibrating. She walked into the building and placed the bag down before reaching into her pocket to pull out her phone. 

'Clarke are you okay? You've been AWOL for the last day' a message from Raven popped up. 

'Yeah sorry I had a client call and it seems like a good project so I met up with her'  
'Sorry Reyes I didn't mean to go missing'  
'Shit just happens I guess'

Clarke shrugged as she sent the messages.

She didn't wait for a response as she pulled out her paints and brushes from her backpack. 

Clarke walked over to her wooden stand with the canvas she had started last time she was there. She sat down at the stool and just stared. She stared at the red blots of paint she had put on the canvas earlier in the week. She stared for what felt like twenty minutes before finally standing up and pacing. 

The blonde looked at the other painting she had on the floor and read the phrase over and over again.

'How do you know you're in love?' 

"You don't," she says to no one in particular. "You just are one day." Clarke rolls her eyes. 

She grabbed her phone and opened up the new contact she had made for Lexa. 

'Hey it's the infamous Clarke. Do you want to meet up for brunch?' 

The response came back almost immediately. 

'!! Yes I would love to'  
'I mean like'  
'I would like to have brunch yes'  
'Where at? My treat!'

"Someones eager," Clarke mumbled to herself as she sent a message back to Lexa telling her where to meet her.

____

"What should I wear?" Lexa panicked as she rummaged around her closet.

"What do you mean by that?" John sat on Lexas bed and watching her panic. "It's not like it's a date. Just wear your normal graphic tee and pants." He was playing a game on his phone while his friend was panicking. 

"She didn't say it wasn't a date either. I mean you saw her! She's freaking hot!" Lexa pulled out a nice dark green blouse and held it up to herself. "What do you think?"

John rolled his eyes and laid back on her bed, "It's a brunch diner. We've been there before." 

"Yeah but it's with Clarke! You saw her!" Lexa kept pulling things out of her closet as she looked around for something nice to wear.

"I'm telling you," John sat up and chuckled. "Just wear your usual get up. I promise you, she'll be impressed." 

"You dont know! You're not being useful!" Lexa pulled out a shirt she would wear on a day to day basis. 

It was a black shirt with a cartoon grim reaper on it that said 'that's all folks'. 

She groaned and held the shirt up for her friend, "Do you honestly expect me to think she would like this?"

"Yeah, why not? It's just a shirt. She probably just wants to talk to you about your concept for her project. Seriously dude, you need to not freak out over it." John was laying on the bed again with his phone in his hands as he was typing something. "Um, Lexa I don't mean to freak you out but you should probably leave soon."

"What? Why?" Lexa had changed into the shirt she held up and was buttoning up a pair of faded blue jeans.

"Your meetup is in five minutes and we're about ten minutes away."

That caused Lexa to panic even more. She quickly finished putting on her jeans and she ran to the bathroom to fix her hair and double check her makeup. 

"Bye! If you plan on staying here you know where the food is!" Lexa shouted to John as she ran out of her apartment, slamming the door behind her. "Wait my keys." Lexa quickly grabbed her keys and closed the door again leaving her friend alone.

"Oh, Lexa..." John said as he got up and walked over to the TV and turned it on. "You're too excitable." He sat down on her couch and flipped through a few channels before landing on some movie. 

____

Lexa quickly parked her car and hopped out. She nearly ran into the diner as she looked around. Once she spotted the blonde she immediately walked over to the booth and sat down with a loud plop. 

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic." Lexa tried to joke. 

"It's not even eleven yet?" Clarke glanced at her phone that was sitting on the table. 

"Right," Lexa awkwardly cleared her throat. "Right. Really I was just running late." 

"Are you supposed to work today?" Clarke picked up a cup of water that had been placed in front of her earlier. 

"No actually! I have Wednesday's off and Saturday's off. A nice break in the middle and a day for the weekend to have fun." Lexa smiled and looked over the menu that had been placed in front of her. 

"That's good. Kind of cool too. Most jobs have weekends off but work Monday through Friday." 

"Do you take days off, Clarke?" Lexa put down her menu, deciding on what she wanted to eat. 

Clarke felt the same electric feeling she felt yesterday when Lexa said her name. 

"Yes and no," the blonde took another sip from her cup. "Usually when something really makes me want to draw or paint I do it, whether I have a deadline or not." She shrugged. "Sometimes I don't do anything for weeks." She glanced up at Lexa. "Work wise, I don't do anything for weeks work wise. I do stuff. If I don't feel inspired or have some kind of motivation for it I don't really put effort into it. I won't force myself to work through something unless I feel like I can, or know I can." She kept her eyes focused on Lexus green eyes. "Does that make sense?" 

Lexa nodded and grabbed her glass of water, taking a large sip, "I get it. I work on cars on the side too. Sometimes I want to start a whole new project car and I just do. Even though I work on cars all day at work." Lexa let out a soft laugh. 

"You clean up well, by the way." Clarke complimented the girl, eyeing her up and down. "I like your shirt. It seems very..." Clarke paused thinking of the right word to say. "... you."

"You don't even know me," Lexa looked at Clarke, slightly confused. 

"Well I'm going to get to know you. Especially if I'm going to be making a painting for you."

"Clarke Griffin," Lexa smirked. "Is this a date?"

Clarke started choking on her water, "wh-what?" She managed out in between coughs. "No! It's something I always do with my clients." Clarke lied through her teeth. 

Truthfully Clarke only ever spoke to her clients on the phone or through messages and when they would first meet up. She never met up with the same client twice, until she was finished with her project. Especially not twice in two days. 

"I just want more insight." Clarke cleared her throat. "I just want to get more of an understanding as to exactly what you want me to paint."

"Have you ever been in love?" Lexa asked, hopeful.

"I don't believe in love," Clarkes response was dry. 

"What? How can you not believe in love?" 

Clarke shrugs, "I just don't."

"So you don't love your friends?"

"No I do -"

"So you do believe in love!" Lexa interrupted the blonde. 

"That's not what I meant," Clarke glanced up at the waiter who came by to take their order and refill their drinks. 

Lexa kept her eyes trained on the blonde girl sitting across from her as she ordered her food. "What did you mean then?"

"I just mean that I don't believe everyone has someone out there for them. I love your friends. I would do anything for my best friends, but a soulmate? Nope. I don't believe in them." Clarke refused to look up at Lexa.

"I think you're wrong," Lexa smirked with a playful tone in her voice. "I'm going to prove you're wrong too." 

"Oh yeah? And just how are you going to do that?" Clarke mimicked the playfulness. She put her arm on the table and leaned forward slightly. "Exactly how do you plan on proving it to me, Lexa Woods?" She emphasized Lexas name. 

"W-Well," Lexa stuttered. "I'm going to take you on a real date. An actual first date."

"What makes you think I'm interested?" Clarke leaned back in the booth and crossed her arms across her chest. 

"I have a hunch," Lexa smiled widely. "If you're so curious about my inspiration when it comes to the piece that I want, let me. Let me take you out on a date and, even if you don't think so, maybe it'll inspire you more. Maybe it'll give you something to get your gears going in your head." Lexa shrugged and noticed the waiter standing next to them with their plates of food. "Maybe it'll change your mind on how you feel about finding the right person." 

'I doubt it' Clarke thought before looking at her plate of stuffed French toast. "If you say so." Clarke smiled dryly at Lexa.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obligatory typed it all on my phone. Also clearly I dont have a posting schedule

"Giving a gift, no matter how simple or stupid you might think it is, is still a loving gift. If it's something you see on vacation and it's something small or basic, it's still something you saw and thought it would be a good gift for someone. Whether it's a friend or a partner. It is still a way to show someone you love them."

Clarke turned off her car before the man on the radio would keep going off about whatever his talk show is about. 

'What kind of music do you listen to?' 

Clarkes phone pinged with a message from Lexa.

'A lot of top 40s stuff'  
'What do you listen to?'

Clarke got out of her car and stood in front of her studio.

It has been more than a week since she had come back to her studio. It's been more than a week since her 'date' with Lexa. It's been more than a week since she has even tried to paint anything. 

'A lot of punk rock'  
'Think of blink 182 like a lot of them'  
'I'm not exaggerating you should see my playlist'  
'Though there's a lot of other stuff'  
'I listen to a lot of music'  
'I'll have to show you one day'

Clearly Lexa wasn't afraid to send people a barrage of messages in one sitting. The entire week she had been radio silent until today. The day Clarke had decided to try and paint again. 

'You busy?'

Another message came. 

'Well I was about to start painting'

'You're at your studio? Can I come see it?'

'No one sees my studio except two people I don't even show my clients their piece in my studio'

':('  
'I tried at least'  
'Hey let me know when you're done there I have something I want to show you'

Clarke didn't bother to respond to Lexas messages. Instead she decided to lean against her car and stare at the building. A place she was so excited to get. A place she loved to go to. A place she used to consider her safe haven. Now she's not so sure what she wants to call it.

Clarke sighed and got back in her car. She stared out the front windshield just staring at the dull, grey building in front of her. Clarke let her eyes slowly trail the bricks.

Finally starting her car, Clarke decided to drive home.

Upon reaching her apartment, Clarke looked around. She eyed the inside of her place, letting her vision linger on the dirty dishes that were still sitting on the coffee table.

'Yo griff me and O want to know if u want 2 hang'

Clarke looked at her phone and then back at the mess in her apartment.

'Maybe later'  
'Trying to clean my place up'

Clarke heard her phone go off a few more times but she decided to ignore it. 

Her phone started ringing and she glanced at the number.

"Fuck," Clarke sighed and answered the phone. "Hey mom!" She put on fake happiness. 

"Hey, honey," Abby Griffin answered, matching Clarkes tone. "How's it going?" 

"It's good, mom. I'm actually really busy right now -"

"Oh you're always busy," Abby brushed off Clarkes excuse. "You never have time to speak to me anymore. Not since you've been selling a lot of your work!" 

"Yeah, it's been crazy busy. I actually got this new piece I really should be working on. If you don't mind -" 

"You can work on it later, can you?" Abby interrupted. "Are you in your studio now?" 

Clarke sighed and put her back against her apartment door. She slowly slid down until her butt soft touched the ground. "Yeah I'm at the studio."

"What are you working on?" 

"I have two things I'm working on, actually. This one person wants a sunset over Los Angeles. She wants it to be really vibrant and colorful. The other piece is more vague." Clarke leaned her head back causing it to hit the door with a soft thud. 

"What's the other?" Abby had genuine interest in her tone. 

"It's... all I was really told was their inspiration was 'love' . It really is vague. I'm not sure how to go about that." Clarke tried to keep her answer short. 

"Just think of the time you spent with Finn! I'm sure it'll come to you somehow." Abby paused. "Don't you miss him? He was such a good guy! Maybe you should give him a call some day."

"No, mother. I don't miss him or want to talk to him." Clarke kept her tone even. 

"Of course you don't, not right now anyway. Honey I didnt call to talk about your old love life." Abby rambled on. "I wanted to know if you're ever going to invite me over to your new place!"

Clarke cringed and looked around the messy apartment. She kept her eyes focused on the dirty dishes as she spoke. "Maybe someday, mom." 

"Well since it seems like you don't want to talk right now, and you seem busy, I'll call you later." Abby's tone was verging annoyed.

"Yeah sorry I'm just really busy and would like to get these done."

"Okay. Bye. I love you, Clarke." Abby's voice sounded chipper again. 

"Yeah, you too. Bye mom." Clarke immediately hung up the phone, not waiting for any sort of response or continuation of their conversation. 

Clarke took a deep breath, completely filling up her lungs, and held it for a couple seconds before slowly letting it out. She scanned her dirty apartment one more time before standing up and heading right to her bedroom.

The blonde quickly unbuttoned her paint stained jeans and her white shirt, stripping down to her underwear. She plopped into her bed and pulled her blanket over her head, intending to sleep for the rest of the day. 

Bolting right up, Clarke heard a loud bang at her front door causing her heart to start pounding. 

"CLARKE!" Raven shouted from the other side of the door. "Clarke! If you don't open this door right now I am going to break it down!" 

There was another loud bang as Clarkes thumping heart started to slow down. 

"One second!" The blonde shouted as she quickly tried to put her pants and shirt back on. 

"Clarke! Open the goddamn door!" Ravens shouted again, banging on the door. 

"One second!" Clarke shouted as she buttoned her pants and ran to the door. "Jesus fuck Reyes give me a second." She opened the door enough to stick her head out, but not enough where Raven would be able to see into the room. 

"I brought tacos!" Raven held up a greasy brown paper sack. "Open the door." Raven pushed her shoulder against the door, trying to open it more. 

"Why can't we go eat the tacos at your place?" Clarke kept the door mostly closed. 

"Why what's going on?" Raven smirked and took a step back. "Do you have a boy or a girl in there, Clarke?" She raised an eyebrow. "You dirty girl. Let me meet them." Raven pushed through her friend and entered the apartment causing her to immediately stop and look around. She turned to her friend, concerned, growing in her eyes. "Dude are you okay?" She turned back towards the apartment and took a few steps in. "Seriously, Clarke, are you okay?" She kept her eyes on the pile of dirty dishes on the coffee table. Slowly she let her eyes trail down to the empty cans and cups all around the table. 

"Raven," Clarkes tone was firm. "Raven I'd really like if you left." Clarke put her hand on the dark haired girl's shoulder. "Please." She whispered.

"Clarke if you need someone to talk to, you know you have me and Octavia, right? We're your best friends and we care about you." 

"I know... I know it's just... this isn't something easy to talk about." Clarke looked down at her feet. "I can't just go to my friends and go 'hey remember that great life I had a while ago? Yeah well surprise I'm depressed as fuck, and I dont know what to do with my life anymore, and I honestly just want to sleep all day everyday, and I havent even painted anything for any clients recently, and any time I figure I can't paint for them I send them to someone else because I have absolutely no motivation to do anything anymore.' Is that what you want to hear?" Clarke rambled growing frustrated at the whole ordeal. "Because it's not easy to say."

"You literally just said it, Clarke." Raven put down her bag of food and walked over to the coffee table. She started to grab some dishes and stack them in her hands. "Here I'll clean these. You go shower and put some fresh clothes on, okay?" Raven didnt glance at Clarke as she walked to the kitchen with a pile of dirty dishes in her hands. "And when you're done we'll put on a movie and eat some bomb-ass tacos!" She shouted as she got farther away from the blonde. 

"Raven, I really would prefer if you just left. I want to be alone." Clarke had no tone in her voice. She walked into the kitchen, watching her friend.

"Clarke I swear if you don't do this I am going to kick your ass so hard you'll taste my foot." Raven gave Clarke a stern look. "Go. Now. Shower." She turned her back to Clarke and turned on the kitchen sink. "If I don't hear the water turn on and you get in it in two minutes I'm going to strip you down and clean you myself, and I'm sure that's not something you want." 

Clarke thought for a minute before deciding to listen to her friend. She stopped by her bedroom to grab a fresh pair of clothes and clean underwear. 

The blonde paused by the bathroom door and listened.

"Yeah, O, I think she needs us more than she's willing to put on." There was a short pause. "No, just... I don't think she's doing that well. After everything that went on. It was an ugly breakup. He was cheating on her and she was so into him." Another short pause. "I don't know. Can you get tomorrow off? I'm going to spend the day with her but maybe we can do a girls night tonight?" There was a loud bang. "Shit. Phew it didn't break." Raven sighed with relief. "I'm trying to help clean up a bit while she showers. It's bad, O."

There was a long pause as Octavia talked to Raven about their best friend. 

Clarke decided to stop listening in on their conversation and went to take a shower. 

By the time Clarke had finished her shower, Raven had cleaned up almost all the dishes and took out her trash and empty food bags and boxes. 

The apartment almost looks normal. It's starting to look closer to what it looked like almost two years ago. 

The black leather couch doesn't have bags of old food. The coffee table doesn't have an endless amount of dirty dishes on top of its glass structure. The wooden floors dont have old beer cans, or glass cups scattered around. The small trash can has a new trash bag in it and there's not a bunch of random pieces of paper scattered all around it.

"Raven," Clarke looks at the other girl when she sticks her head out of the kitchen. 

"Yeah?" She hums and goes back to whatever she was doing in the other room. 

"You really didn't have to do this."

"You're right, I didn't," Raven smiled widely as she walked over to the couch and sat down. "I did though. You're my friend, Clarke. One of my absolute best friends. I love you and want to make sure you're okay. Oh and Octavia is going to be here in a few so get ready for a movie night. Maybe some board games. Hot gossip. You know the usual." 

Clarke walked over to the couch and plopped down next to Raven. She leaned over and gave the dark haired girl a big hug. "You're so good, Reyes. I'm being serious. I'm so glad to have you in my life."

"Woah, back off," Raven laughed as she playfully pushed Clarke away. "You know we're here for you, right?" Raven suddenly got serious as she looked intensely at her friend. "I'm being serious, Griffin. I don't want anything to happen to you." 

Clarke only nodded. 

There was a soft knock at the door and Clarke jumped off the couch and opened the door. 

"Clarke!" Octavia shouted and wrapped her arms around the blonde. "Raven! I stopped by your place and got some clothes for you to sleep in and to change into tomorrow." She lifted up a dark blue duffle bag. 

"Oh shit! I didnt even think about that!" Raven got up and walked to the front door. She grabbed the duffle bag and opened it. "You're so smart. Thanks, O." 

"Also!" Octavia pulled out a large grocery bag. "I brought so many snacks. Like so many. I easily dropped over two hundred bucks on freaking snacks. I swear the lady at the counter thought I was crazy or something."

Clarke grabbed the bag and opened it looking at the different types of junk food that was in there. 

Immediately Clarke stuck her hand in and grabbed a box of swiss rolls before bringing the bag over to the couch, setting it on the coffee table. 

"I haven't had these in a long time!" Clarke started to open the box.

"Hey!" Raven quickly snatched the treats from Clarkes hand. "Real food first. We still have those tacos." Raven wiggled her eyebrows. "Though they probably aren't warm anymore." She shrugged and grabbed the bag of food she had left sitting in the kitchen counter. She grabbed three clean plates and put them down in front of each girl. Raven laid out three soft shell tacos for each of them. 

"Wait! Before food, let's put some lame action movies on." Octavia turned on the TV that sat across from them and flipped through Netflix until she found some Ryan Reynolds action movie. "Okay. Food."

Clarke tenderly picked up a taco and took a small bite. 

"Hey, so tell us about your current clients," Octavia said in between chews. 

"Well," Clarke started, pausing to finish her bite. "This one older lady wants the skyline of Los Angeles with the sun setting in the background. She said she wants a lot of colors. Like a lot." Clarke rambled on only stopping occasionally to take small bites of her food. "She seems like she had an interesting life. When I was talking to her just to get to know her and apparently she used to be a private investigator. She traveled all over."

"Mhm..." Octavia nodded, taking another bite of one of her tacos. "Raven told me you have two clients. What about the other one?" 

"Her name is Lexa."

"Well that was fast. We don't even know the other person's name." Raven commented, staring at the TV.

Clarke glared at her friend but turned back to Octavia. "She wants something that's different. She told me she wants me to paint something that says 'love' and I'm assuming it's not the basic red heart with an arrow through it." The blonde let out a soft giggle. "She has these amazing green eyes with little bits of gold specks all around them. She's a mechanic. She's adorable and taller than me. I think she wants her piece to be for someone or about someone. She said she wanted it to be a Clarke Griffin original."

"Fucking christ. Just marry her already." Raven laughed, noticing Octavia was staring at Clarke with her mouth slightly opened. "I learned more about this girl in thirty seconds then about the other person in. Keep it in your pants, girl." Raven laughed again before turning her attention back to the movie.

"What does she look like? Well besides her gorgeous green eyes." Octavia pried. 

"She has this long brown hair that she had up when I first met her. When I met her she was at work so she had this dirt spot on her nose right where you kind of push your glasses up." Clarke paused for a second remembering the day she had met her. "She has tattoos. Like a lot. She has I think two full sleeves. Well at least one had a theme, the other one seemed more like it was for fun? I'm not sure. Anyway she was taller than me and I bet under her uniform she has this gorgeous toned... body..." Clarke trailed off, realizing she was just rambling on about how attractive she found this one person. "Anyway..." She awkwardly cleared her throat. "Sh-She wants an art piece about love. Honestly, I think she'll be a good client. She seems really open about different ideas."

"Oh I bet she is!" Raven laughed loudly and stuck her hand up for a high five from Octavia.

"Shut up," Clarke felt her cheeks and neck start to burn. She tried to drown herself in eating her chicken tacos, mostly to keep herself from talking. 

"Come on, what's wrong with a little fun?" Raven was smiling widely at Clarke. "It's a one night stand... or more. You could use some sex."

"Raven!" 

Octavia started laughing in the background. "She's not wrong. Oh give me your phone!" Octavia quickly grabbed the phone off the coffee table and unlocked it.

"Holy shit I need a better pass code!" Clarke watched in panic. She tried to grab the phone from Octavia but Raven was too quick and held Clarke back. 

"I found her in your phone. Okay what should I say, Reyes?" Octavia opened the messages between Clarke and Lexa. "Oh I'm just going to be simple. Maybe she'll be free tomorrow." Octavia giggled as she typed out a message. "Okay it says, 'hey Lexa I was wondering if you wanted to go out on a date tomorrow with me?' Is that good?" 

"Yeah, send it" Raven kept her grip on Clarke as Octavia sent the message. 

Octavia smiled and handed the phone to Clarke. 

The second Raven let her go she snatched the phone from her friends hand and read the message, eyes wide with a horrified look. "Dude!" She shouted as she read the message three times. There was a little heart emoji at the end of the message. "Dude!" Clarke shouted again, looking at Octavia. 

'Ping.' 

Clarkes phone went off and Raven quickly grabbed it. 

"Aw it's just your mom," Raven sounded disappointed. "Just kidding!" She opened the message from Lexa and slowly read it. 

'Wait what? Are you joking?' 

Raven started typing a response back.

Clarke tried to grab the phone but Octavia held her back this time. 

"Trust us, Clarke," Octavia put her hand in Clarkes shoulder but kept her grip on the blonde's upper arm. "It'll be fun. Worse case scenario it's not that fun." She gave Clarke a soft smile. "We want what's best for you."

"What's best for me is letting me make my own dates and plans. Not you guys trying to do it for me." Clarke pouted. 

"Girl you have no game," Raven was still messaging Lexa. 

"I have game!" Clarke shouted. "I could totally get her in bed... I-I mean I could have asked her out myself." She stuttered over her words, realizing what had come out. 

"Oh you'll get her in bed alright," Raven smirked and held the phone up, showing the two other girls the messages. "She seems interested. Wait how old is she?"

Clarke shrugged, "Like a year older than me?" Clarke read the messages, seeing just how excited Lexa really was. 

"Fucking christ, Reyes you have... game," Octavia mumbled as she read the messages. 

"Yeah I do," Raven was full on beaming. "So tomorrow afternoon, Clarke." She handed the phone to the blonde. "You two have a date and it sounds fun. "You guys are going to an aquarium, then go-karting and afterwards a carnival that I guess is in town... when did we start getting carnivals?" 

"Wait is this a whole day type of date?" Clarke was reading through the messages. "Because I really have to be in my studio tomorrow to start I-I mean finish the other piece for the other lady."

"Why not just work on it in the morning or work on it tomorrow?" Raven got up and walked to the kitchen. "When does she want it anyway?"

"Like two weeks."

"Oof," Octavia said. "And you haven't even started it yet?" 

"There's no inspiration! It's just a skyline!" Clarke folded her arms across her chest. 

"Clarke," Raven had a bag of popcorn she was putting in the microwave. "You're an amazing artist. It's not just 'a skyline' it's Clarke freaking Griffin's version of a skyline. There's a reason people like your art, dummy." She emerged from the kitchen with a bowl and popcorn in it. "Just paint the damn thing. Enjoy painting it. Show an excited client a really good piece. You're done. Solid. The end." 

"It's really not that simple," Clarke leaned back into the couch. "It's almost like someone just telling you to design something that looks similar to a car."

"I get that, but you have an idea of it. You live in Los Angeles for fucks sake. You literally can look outside when the sun is setting and mimic that. Or maybe instead of something like that paint it on a really good day. A day that you can remember that was fantastic. Or a future day that'll be fantastic. Just pour your heart and soul into it, you'll do good." Raven rambled, munching on the popcorn. "You're fucking talented, Clarke." 

Clarke didn't say anything as she sank more into the couch. 

"She's right, you really are. I'm still not done with my residency, but the second I am I was going to ask if you wanted to make something for me and Lincoln." Octavia put her hand on Clarkes shoulder and gave her a gentle squeeze. She leaned in, whispering into Clarkes ear. "She's not wrong about your skill." 

Clarke felt her cheeks turning red and shook her head, "I really appreciate it. I really do. I'm just in a stump I guess." 

"That's okay. It happens." Octavia grabbed Clarkes hand and squeezed it gently. "It happens to everyone. Just know we're here for you." 

"Seriously, Griffin, we really are here for you if you need to vent or to get away from something." Raven had her eyes trained on the blonde. "Don't worry about seeming like a burden. You've been there for all of us before. It's your turn now." 

Clarke swallowed hard and focused her eyes on the movie, "Thanks guys. I really appreciate it."

Raven cleared her throat to get the attention of the other two girls, "So about what you're going to wear on that date..."

___

"Do you have the tickets for the aquarium?" John's voice echoed throughout the apartment as Lexa picked her phone up, turning it off speaker.

"Oh shit!" Lexa scrambled and looked around for the tickets she had printed earlier. 

Lexa had called her best friend the next morning to tell him about the messages exchanged between her and Clarke. 

"I found them!" She pulled out two pieces of paper with the aquarium logo on it. "I got it. I grabbed cash too for the carnival. The go-karting owners are good friends of mine from when I was a kid. Getting in there is not a problem." Lexa smiled to herself as she put her phone down again and turned it back on speaker. 

"You never take me go-karting," John complained, fake hurt in his voice. 

"We can go one day. I just want this to be a little bit special I guess?" Lexa looked at the two shirts she had in front of her. "Do you think she likes nachos?"

"You literally have her number. Ask her." 

"Maybe I will."

"No, I don't think you should wear the leather pants... or leather jacket. The combat boots too, skip those." John said before Lexa had the chance to ask. 

"You're right, I mean all I own is black graphic tees or band tees. It's not like it's a fancy romantic dinner right?" Lexa was looking between a Blink 182 shirt and a shirt that had a glowing shark on front. "Blink or shark?" She asked John. 

"Shark," he responded immediately. "Don't scare her off with your old school music just yet."

"Hey!" Lexa retorted. "There's nothing wrong with punk rock or pop punk!" She pulled the shirt over her head and looked in the mirror, examining her dark jeans and dark shirt. 

"Just be yourself, dude."

"I always am," Lexa smiled. 

"Ha!" John laughed. "Don't I know it. I still can't get over how you and I became friends."

"Oh my God I remember! We were in the second grade and I threw a cookie at you because I said 'you look like you need more cookies in your life' . I remember that so well!" Lexa laughed at the memory. 

"Yeah and then you never left me alone for... how long has it been?" 

"Fool, you love me."

"Alright, maybe I do. We are best friends after all." John let out a small laugh. "My roommates here. Without further ado. I must bid you a farewell."

"Why are you so fucking weird?"

"Shut up, you love me. Anyway have a good day, Lexa. It'll be fun. Dont fuck it up. I still can't get over your face when you were talking to me about her. Oh and bring the Subaru, not the bike." John hung up before Lexa had the chance to respond.

She rolled her eyes and looked at the tickets again. "It's the first real date." Lexa smiled widely. "Like an actual date." She grabbed her jacket and keys and typed in the address of Clarkes apartment on her phone's GPS as she headed out the door.

___

"Okay, first thing," Lexa stopped her car and unlocked her doors to let Clarke in. "Are you hungry?" 

"I could use food, yeah," Clarke eyed the car as she entered. 

"Okay second thing. No one eats in my car." Lexa pulled off. "Third! What are you craving? I could use nachos or a burger." Lexa glanced at Clarke and smiled.

"You know how to drive a manual?" Clarke looked at the stick shift in front of her. 

"Yes?" 

"Woah," Clarkes eyes glistened. "Teach me some day."

"Okay... but what are you hungry for?" Lexa had a confused expression plastered on her face. 

"Oh right, food. Um I could use nachos." Clarke smiled sweetly at Lexa. "You buying?" Her smile changed to a smirk. 

"Of course I am. Even though you asked me out on a date." Lexa smirked back when she noticed Clarkes face was turning red. 

"R-Right. Actually. I have a confession..." Clarke started. "My friends, Raven and Octavia set this up."

The brunette let out a loud laugh, "Okay, sure. You know, if you really didn't want to go out with me you didn't have to lie... or ask me." Lexa had a giant smile on her face. 

"No! That's not what I meant." Clarke could feel her neck start to burn. "What I meant is I did want to go out with you, i-it's just I... don't know..." The blonde trailed off.

"You don't...? What?" Lexa took a left turn at a light and pulled into a small shopping center. She pulled into a parking spot and turned the car off. "Hm...?" She patiently waited for Clarkes response. 

"I guess I didn't know how to ask so my... sort of protests from my friends wasn't really a protest." Clarke risked a glance at Lexa. "I know I just met you and all but that first... sorta date was fun. Even if I wasn't really acting like I was having fun, I did even if it was more talk about your art piece you want."

"Sometimes it's good to get out," Lexa opened the car door. "Come on, this place has the best nachos!" She quickly got out of the car and waited for Clarke to join her. 

___

"Those were so good," Clarke plopped into Lexas car. "How did you even find this place?" 

Lexa shrugs, "One day I was skateboarding around and got hungry. I just happened to ride past this place and ordered some nachos." Lexa started the car and smiled at Clarke. "Best. Nachos. Ever." She put a hand on her stomach and giggled. "So tell me more about yourself, Clarke Griffin. What made you want to become an artist?" Lexa kept her eyes on the road.

Clarke was silent for a minute before finally answering, "I've always loved art. Like I mean loved it. I would beg my parents to take me to any sort of art museum or art showing. I just wanted to make stuff that would help people feel things." Clarke paused and looked over at Lexa. "I wanted people to be able to see themselves in my artwork. I wanted it to say things no one else could say." 

"Like 'I love you'?" Lexa tensed up. "Wait... I don't mean I'm saying it to you. I meant that you want people to be able to see a piece of your work and immediately know you're saying 'I love this person because you can see it...' okay I'm gonna stop talking now, you continue." Lexas cheeks were burning.

"No!" Clarke giggled. "No you're actually right. I want someone to look at it and not just see 'I love you' I want them to see something like 'I've always loved you I just didn't know how to say it, then I saw this amazing piece of work and now I know how to say it in more than one way.' So yeah, you're right." Clarke smiled and turned to the side window and looked at the trees that were going by. 

"Mhm..." Lexa pulled off an exit as she continued to bring them to their destination. "I get it." Lexa quickly glanced at the blonde before turning her eyes back to the road.

"What about you? Why a mechanic?" 

"Spite, mostly," Lexa pulled up to a red light and smiled at Clarke. "So let me go by saying I'm a foster kid. I was in the system and so was my sister. Maybe when we get to know each other better I'll tell you more, but for now it's not that important." Lexa started driving the car forward again. "Some of the kids in the system pretty much said because I'm a girl I'm expected to have either an office job, or be a housewife. I pretty much spent my entire life saying 'fuck that'. I worked in a martial arts studio for a while and took up classes there." Lexa pulled into a parking lot and slowly drove around looking for a spot. "I wanted to be a trainer there for, like, ever. Then a personal trainer. Then a mechanic. I dug into that so fast and it kinda stayed that way." Lexa found a spot and quickly backed into it. 

"What about your tattoos? Did the inspiration of those come from aquariums?" Clarke smirked as they got out of the car and headed towards the entrance. 

"Nope, it's my turn to ask a question," Lexa handed Clarke one of the tickets. "For entry." She smiled as they walked in. 

"Do you like aquariums?"

"What part of 'my turn' do you not get?" Lexa grabbed one of the maps and headed in, making an immediate right. "For the record, I fucking love aquariums and underwater life. I wanted to be a marine biologist for years!" She went to where the sharks were and looked up at the dome overhead. "Look!" She pointed towards the top. "This is always my favorite part. I can literally sit in here for hours and just watch them." 

Clarke nodded and watched the sharks overhead. 

There was light slightly glistening from the top as the sharks swam all around. 

"It's kind of incredible..." Clarke trailed off and she kept her head pointed up. 

"Yeah it is," Lexa was watching Clarke as the blonde kept her head up. 

"What's your favorite underwater creature?" 

"Wow, now I get to ask you three questions in a row," Lexa grabbed Clarkes hand and pulled her towards the next exhibit. "That's a tough question, actually. I love otters, but otters aren't necessarily 'underwater' creatures."

"So why didn't you become a marine biologist?" Clarke let herself continue to get dragged by the brunette.

"Four now," Lexa suddenly stopped in front of small jellyfish. "My favorite underwater creature might, and I heavily emphasize might, be the boxer jellyfish. Incredibly dangerous but so beautiful. So rare to survive a sting. I mean like it's damn near impossible to survive. Lexa read the plaque next to a small exhibit of jellyfish. "I didn't become a marine biologist because I couldn't afford the schooling. Once I learned how much it would cost I was devastated. I figured one day I'll go back to school for it. Even after what those kids said in my foster home." She looked at Clarke who was looking at the small jellyfish. "I mostly became a mechanic out of spite, but I still wouldn't mind working with fish." Lexa took a small step back and admired the blonde girl watching the creatures closely. "Do you want any tattoos, Clarke?"

Clarke suddenly stood up straight and looked at Lexa, "I wouldn't mind some. Maybe not as many as yours. I do love the realism though on yours. It's pretty incredible." Clarke grabbed Lexas hand and held up the brunette's arm. "I love the vintage deep sea diver you have." She touched the tattoo and smiled. "I think tattoos are a really great art, but also a huge commitment. So, Lexa Woods, what is the meaning of that tattoo?" Clarke was pointing to a piece of jelly toast tattooed on Lexas other arm. 

Lexa lifted up her left arm, keeping her right hand in Clarkes. "My best friend and I have a few matching tattoos." She let out a small laugh. "We wanted to get a bunch and we got a few of them. He has peanut butter toast, I have jelly. I wanted peanut butter but we did rock, paper, scissors for it. I lost." She fake pouted. "It's all good though, I love everyone. Even my bad ones." Lexa noticed her hand was still in Clarkes. She started walking to the next part, keeping her hand in the blondes. "I still have four questions, don't I?" 

Clarke nodded and gently squeezed Lexas hand, who didn't seem to notice. 

"What's your favorite color?" Lexa proudly asked. 

"Seriously?" Clarke gave the brunette a look. "You're going to waste a question on that?" Clarke shrugs. "Blue."

"Interesting," Lexa weaved through the crowd still hand in hand with Clarke. "Very interesting." She suddenly stopped and pointed toward a bright orange fish. "This is one of my favorite fish. A garibaldi. It's actually the California state fish."

Clarke looked at the fish then to Lexa and started laughing, "You're joking, right?"

Lexa looked at the laughing blonde and shook her head with a smile plastered across her face, "Nope! Look it up. It's incredible."

Clarke kept laughing and nodded and looked back at the fish, "Tell me another fact about it."

"They like solitary."

"Sounds a lot like me," Clarke mumbled under her breath. 

"What was that?" Lexa leaned closer to Clarke and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. 

"Nothing," Clarke looked down at their hands. "Hey, I was promised go-karting." She looked up into green eyes. "When is that going to happen so I can kick your ass at it?"

"Hm..." Lexas eyes lowered to Clarkes lips then down to the ground. "Right. Go-karting. We can go do that." She replied quickly and started to walk off towards the exit, hand in hand with Clarke. 

___

"So how do you know these people again?" Clarke followed Lexa into a 'family fun center'. "And why is it here?"

Lexa shrugged and entered the building, "They're friends from when I was a foster kid. I was always allowed in." Lexa smiled as they walked outside and towards a small go-karting track. "You know how to drive one, right?" Lexa waved at a person wearing a uniform for the family center. 

The employee let the two girls through, "Hey, Lexa. There's a couple of other people riding too, if that's okay."

"Why wouldn't it be?" Lexa smiled and walked towards one of the go-karts. "Come on." She waved Clarke in. "Pick a car and let's do this shit!" She shouted, giving a small fist pump. 

Clarke took the red go-kart next to Lexas. She looked over to the brunette and smiled, "I'm going to win!' She shouted over the loud noise. 

"Ha!" Lexa shouted back. "If you win I'll show you my favorite place. If I win you pay for our next date!" Lexas gaze lingered on Clarke. "Deal?"

"Deal!" Clarke turned forward. "Wait! Do I have to beat everyone or just you?"

There was a beep, indicating that they were about to start. 

Lexa shrugged, "Guess you'll have to figure that one out!"

"3..." A robotic voice started as everyone got ready. "2..." The voice continued.

Clarke suddenly found herself very nervous. She could feel her heartbeat start to pick up as she watched the fake road in front of her. 

"1!"

Lexa immediately took off with Clarke closely behind. 

There was a turn coming up shortly and Lexa misjudged it, causing herself to take a wider turn than intended. 

Clarke took the lead and laughed as she drove past Lexa, "Guess I will win after all!" She shouted. 

Lexa clenched her jaw and gripped the steering wheel tighter and stepped on the gas pedal harder. "Not if I can help it!" Lexa stayed right behind Clarke as they went through a few more turns. "I want that date!" 

Another turn was coming up and Lexa saw her opportunity. She took a sharp turn forcing her way slightly past Clarke. 

"Hey!" Clarke glared at Lexa. She turned and kept her eyes in front of her, determined to win. 

Lexa stayed next to Clarke and the blonde stayed directly in the middle, both girls refusing to give any sort of ground. 

The finish line was coming up and Lexa slightly pushed her cart into Clarkes. 

"What?" Clarke looked to her side as Lexa started to push her again. "Stop! You're cheating! Lexa!" Clarke shouted over the noise and the brunette's laughter. 

"I am not!"

"It's not bumper cars!" 

While Lexa was too distracted by pushing Clarkes go-kart, Clarke over took her enough to officially win their little race.

"Fucking suck it you cheater!" Clarke immediately hopped out of the go-kart with a giant smile on her face. "I fucking kicked your ass!" She shouted again, pointing at the brunette.

Lexa slowly got out of her vehicle and casually walked up to the blonde, "I don't know what you're talking about." She kept her face blank as she continued walking on. 

"What?" Clarke followed Lexa. "What are you talking about? We were literally neck and neck and you... oh you better not be getting out of this." Clarkes steps fell in sync with Lexas. "You are not getting out of this you're taking me to your favorite place!" Clarke was laughing as they continued walking.

"Alright, I did try to cheat," Lexa finally admitted. "Your face made it great though." Lexa started laughing as she tried to mimic the face Clarke had made earlier. 

Clarkes phone started to buzz. She pulled it out and checked her messages. She had several from Raven and Octavia asking about her date. There was a missed call from her mom and a short text from her. Deciding not to answer any of them, Clarke slowly slid her hand into Lexas. 

Lexa folded her fingers over Clarkes and smiled softly, "You still want to go to the carnival?"

"Actually, I wouldn't mind saving that for another day. I had a lot of fun today though." Clarke gently squeezed Lexas hand. 

"Good, me too. I still have three questions." Lexa turned her head towards Clarke as they slowly walked to Lexas car. 

"You do," Clarke nodded. "Do you plan on cashing them out tonight?"

"Huh... I'm not entirely sure." Lexa started the car and typed in Clarkes address on her phone's GPS. "Do you want to go out again another time?"

"Does this count as a question?" Clarke smirked and buckled herself up. 

"Nope," Lexa smiled. "It doesn't because it's not about who you are. I'm going to get to know you, Clarke Griffin."

Clarke felt her heart start to beat a little bit faster. "Whatever you say, Lexa Woods." She said casually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still looking for a beta btw


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obligatory I typed this on my phone so sorry for all and any typos. 
> 
> I'm still looking for a beta If anyone is interested!

Clarke hummed a little tune as she pulled up to her studio. She was smiling more than normal as she grabbed her backpack and headed into the building. 

'Ping' 

Clarkes phone went off as she sat down on the stool.

'Come on griff tell us about the date'  
'When are you 2 going out again?'  
'I need the deets!'  
'You're hanging me out to dry I swear'

Raven sent Clarke a series of messages. 

'It's only been like 5 days reyes I'll tell you guys about it later'  
'I'm at the studio'

Raven responded back immediately.

'Do you need me to set up another date?'

'No Reyes I gotta paint bye'

Clarkes phone went off a few more times but she ignored it and started to work on the art piece.

___

"Dude, Murphy! It was so great! I had so much fun!" Lexa was talking her best friends ear off during their lunch break. 

"Yeah I know you've told me about it, like, a million times," John took a bite of his sandwich. 

"Like we didn't go to the carnival but-"

"Wait what? You didn't go?" John pouted. "That would have been the best part. I'm lightweight upset about that."

"Fool! You don't understand, the rest of it was so great. We held hands and everything." Lexa was rambling on, forgetting about the pasta she had in front of her. 

"But you could have won her prize and flexed your competitiveness," John smiled at his friend.

"She said she would go another time, so maybe our next date?" Lexa smiled fondly at the memory.

"Lexa," John grew serious, causing Lexa to look at him with a concerned expression across her face. "Don't get yourself hurt. Don't forget-"

"I know," Lexa interrupted him before he could finish his sentence. "I know. I'll never forget..." Lexa let herself trail off, unable to finish her sentence. 

"She'll want you to be happy though."

Lexa swallowed hard and nodded. She pushed her plastic container of pasta forward. "I'm not hungry anymore."

John sighed, "Look, I'm sorry. I truly am. You're just my friend and I care about you a lot. You've been there for me through so much and I just don't want anything to happen." He pushed the food back towards his friend. "Eat. There's a lot of work that needs to be done today and I can't have you slacking." 

Lexa gave John a toothy smile, brushing off the emotions she went through a second ago, "Yeah you're right." She took a bite of her food. "How are you doing? I feel like I haven't had the chance to ask you how your life is going lately."

John shrugged and ran a hand through his hair, "Eh, I'm good. Nothing special has been happening to me lately. I'm living vicariously through you." He smiled when Lexa laughed. "I'm being serious. Everything for me has been pretty... boring. I guess on World of Warcraft we finally downed the last boss of this one raid. That was exciting. I'm honestly really surprised we finally downed it. It had been like, I think almost a month of different strats and stuff..."

Lexa listened intently as he rambled on about video games. 

"When is your next date?" John asked, taking a huge bite of his sandwich. 

"What? Oh I-I'm not sure?" Lexa looked down at her food. "I haven't asked. We've been messaging each other a lot, which is a good thing. I got her listening to some of my favorite bands."

John breathed out a small laugh, "Just give her a warped tour band list and there's your top bands." 

"Hey! Nothing wrong with punk or punk rock..."

"Yeah, except it's so out of style that even more old punk rock bands are more pop now."

"Dont be fucking rude," Lexa play threw her napkin at him. "I can't help it. I like the music."

"You're too good for this world to be a punk, Lexa."

"What? How? I can live up to their ideals!" Lexa protested. "I am so down to be so punk!"

John rolled his eyes, "Whatever you say. Lunch time is almost over." He stands up to stretch his legs. "Come over tonight and play some video games with me and my roommate?"

"Oh yes!" Lexa stood up and cracked her back. "I could use a chill day of video games and beer." She picked up her trash and tossed it into a trashcan. She put the lid on her container and stashed it in her lunch box. 

"I'd say you're more on the goth side over punk."

"That is so fucking offensive you have no idea."

___

"Oh shit! Ha!" Lexa laughed as she flipped her car in the game they were playing. "Murphy! Get me out!" She laughed as the car caught fire. "There's someone behind me on the other team! Dude! I died." She smiled and focused her eyes on her friends screen. 

"You need practice!" John laughed as he continued on playing. He had his character hop out of the car and he hid, waiting for someone to pop up. "Sh.." 

They both stared intently at the screen as they waited for the guy who had killed Lexas character.

"Do you think he's around here?" Lexa kept her eyes trained on the TV. 

"Shh!" John leaned forward and widened his eyes. "I hear someone!" He quickly turned his screen and started shooting at someone. "Fuck yeah!" He raised his hand in a high-five. 

Lexa returned the high-five with a loud pop. 

"Start it up again. I won't die this time." Lexa smiled and grabbed her controller as John set up another match. 

"Good, I'm tired of carrying your ass. My back is starting to hurt from it." John let out a loud laugh. 

"Now you know what the heavy lifting is like. Where's your roommate?" Lexa looked around the small place. She sat cross legged on the dark brown couch. 

"Beats me," John shrugged. "I'm assuming she's at work or something?"

The game started up and their conversation quickly dropped as they turned their attention back to the TV. 

"Have you talked to Clarke today?" John broke the silence as they continued to play. 

"Yeah a little bit. She's busy today. Being an artist and all. Oh shit!" Lexa managed to get rid of someone from the other team as she talked about the blonde. "I think I might try to get a kiss from her on our next date."

"Oh really? That's a big step. You sure you're ready?" John smirked and quickly glanced at Lexa. 

"Oh yeah," she responded confidently. "I think I might really like her." 

"Mhm... just remember what I said," John kept his eyes on the TV as he was wandering around, opening different types of briefcases and lock boxes on the game. 

"I know. Trust me. You were there when I got my heart broken for the first time. I'll never get to thank you enough for that." Lexa smiled at her friend who was focusing on the TV. 

"I don't want you to go back to that place you were in before."

"I know, it won't happen," Lexa kept her voice neutral. 

"Your phone's are ringing," John pointed out, causing his character to die in the game. "Dammit." 

Lexa was still going and focusing on the TV. 

John grabbed her phone and answered it, "Hello? John Murphy speaking, Lexas best friend."

"John?" Clarkes confused voice was on the other end.

"Clarke?"

Lexas head snapped to John, "Clarke?" She mouthed at him. 

John nodded, "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"You're not her secretary, are you?" Clarke had a cocky sounding tone to her voice. 

"Not even close, but she does wish I was, I bet," John smiled and watched Lexa stare at him, mouth agape. "Clarke, I have a question for you. What are your intentions with my best friend? I must warn you though; she is a softie."

"I am not!" Lexa shouted and reached for the phone. "Don't listen to him! I'm tough!" 

John laughed and held the phone away from her. He turned it on speaker phone so they could both hear what the blonde was saying. 

"Oh my intention with her is a lot, John. I have future plans that might involve her in my bed, screaming my name one way or another." The cockiness was seeping through Clarkes tone. 

Lexa was turning red, very red. 

"U-Um.. Clarke?" She squeaked. 

"Yes, Lexa?"

Lexa gulped at the sound of her voice coming from the blonde, "When did you get so bold?"

"Oh I usually am bold. I have intentions and go for them. But you, Lexa Woods. I had more fun with you then I have had with anyone else in a while." Clarke paused for a minute. "I'm calling because my friends convinced me I have been making you wait long enough. Lexa, do you want to go out on a date with me?"

"Yes she does," John said immediately, not giving Lexa an opportunity to talk. "Whatever you want." He turned the phone off speaker and held it up to his ear. "You want to go out with her tonight? Like right now? Interesting..." John smiled at Lexa and nodded. "Yeah she's available. She's actually at my place right now. I'll message you the address. Bye, Clarke, see you in a few!" He hung up the phone and quickly sent a message to Clarke from Lexas phone.

"Dude! I am so not ready for this!" Lexa stood up and looked down at her shirt and pants. "I'm not wearing anything nice!" 

"Who cares?"

"I do, fool!" Lexa rushed to the bathroom and looked at her reflection in the mirror. "Why would you do this?"

"Because I want you to kiss her!" John shouted from the other room as he started up another match. "I'm rooting for you!" He yelled over the noise from the game. 

"When is she going to be here?" 

There was a soft knock at the door.

Lexa whipped her head around and ran to the main room, "Holy hell that was fast!" She glanced down at her shirt again and looked up at John. "Do I look like a mess?"

'You have some cheetoh powder on your shirt... yeah. Dude just calm down I have never seen you act like this before. Not even when you first met, Co-..." John caught himself before he finished the name. "You'll be fine. This your second date right?"

"Well it could count as the third," Lexa smiled, ignoring his almost slip up. "Where do you think she wants to take me?"

John shrugged. 

"I can hear you guys!" Clarke shouted through the door and knocked again. 

"Shit!" Lexa whisper shouted. "Why am I so nervous?" She wiped her sweaty hands on her pants and walked to the door. She smiled widely at the shorter girl and waved. "Hello."

Clarke looked at her and raised an eyebrow, "Are you okay?" 

Lexa nodded, "I'm good. Are you okay? Why the spontaneous date?"

"I had a plan and wanted to drag you along with me." Clarke smiled sweetly. "Plus you can take me to your favorite spot now. Since I won the race and all." Her smile turned mischievous. 

Lexa nodded and grabbed her keys she had tossed on a table in her friends apartment, "Yeah, we can do that. Do you want food first?" Lexa turned towards John and waved. "Bye! Be back later."

"Wear protection!" John shouted as they closed the door behind them. He looked over at the door and smirked, slowly shaking his head. "I swear, Lexa if you fall too hard for this girl... fuck!" He glared at the TV as his character died.

"So what was your plan?" Lexa followed Clarke. "Are you driving this time?" She glanced behind her, towards John's apartment. 

Clarke smiled as she descended down the stairs, "Honestly I just wanted to show you something. Yeah I'm driving." 

They reached Clarkes car and hopped in. Clarke immediately turned the radio down to hide that her radio only worked on one station. 

"Roomy," Lexa smiled as she wiggled around and buckled up. "So where are we going?"

"A painting class."

"A painting class? What for?" Lexa started messing with the air vents on her side. "I don't know how to paint."

"You're right, but I'm teaching it and it's for little kids," Clarke had a wicked smile plastered across her face. "Trust me it'll be fun."

"Your air doesn't work on this side, does it?" Lexa continued to mess with the vents. 

"Oh, I actually didn't know they didnt work. I normally have Raven and Octavia in here and they never complained about it." She started the car and headed off in a direction. "My radio doesn't really work either."

"I can fix it!" Lexa exclaimed a little too excited. "I wont charge you. It'll just be to get it working normal... a-and yeah." 

Lexas face was turning red.

"Oh!" Clarke quickly glanced at Lexa. "It's all good. I don't plan on keeping this hunk of metal forever."

"Yeah but it'll be less of an issue before you decide to get rid of it."

Clarke shrugged and thought about it for a second, "Maybe. I'll think about it. I'd pay you for it though."

"No, you don't have to pay me."

"I don't mean money, Lexa," Clarke slid her hand over Lexas shoulder and slowly down her arm. "I mean something totally different." She trailed her fingers down Lexas stomach and stopped right above the button on her pants. 

"I-I-I..." Lexa stuttered. 

"We're here," Clarkes tone was teasing. She pulled her hand away and stared at the reddening brunette. "Let's go. They're waiting."

Still in shock, Lexa got out of the car and followed the blonde to the building. 

The lights inside were the annoyingly bright fluorescent lights that made it look ten times brighter than it needs to be. 

"Woah this is cool," Lexa was looking at the various paintings and drawings across the walls. 

They continued to walk down a hallway until Clarke stopped and opened a door. There were several little kids running around and laughing.

"Hi Miss Clarke!" One little shouted as he ran by her.

"Take a seat, Lexa," Clarke pointed to a random chair and Lexa sat in it. "Everyone!" Clarke shouted over the noise. "Take a seat everyone."

"Miss Clarke!" A little girl with pigtails shouted and raised her hand. "Why is there another big kid in here? Isn't only one big kid allowed?"

"Well today, we have a special guest," Clarke smiled and pointed at Lexa. "This big is my friend." 

Lexa waved at the kids with a bright smile on her face.

"What is your name?" A little boy with dirty blonde hair asked. 

"I'm Lexa." 

"You have drawings on your arms!" Another little boy pointed at her tattoos. 

"I do!" She smiled and turned her head towards Clarke.

"Did Miss Clarke draw them?"

"Will you let her draw some on you?"

"Does it take long to get them drawn on you?"

"Um well, no Clarke hasn't drawn them on me but maybe one day she can?" Lexas responded awkwardly. "She can color them in if she wants." Lexa gave Clarke a small smile. 

"Okay kids! We are going to paint an underwater animal!"

"Yeah!" All the kids shouted in unison.

"Is it gonna be blue?" 

"Yeah, it'll be as blue as you want," Clarke smiled at one of the kids and pulled up a small canvas.

"Will it be as blue as your eyes?" Lexa shouted, mocking Clarke.

"No," Clarkes tone was blank. "It'll be as blue as your underwear."

Lexa froze and felt her neck burn. She looked down and pulled her jeans forward slight, noticing the blue briefs she was wearing.

Clarke was smirking at a blushing Lexa.

"I want it to be sky blue!" A kid broke the silence between the two girls. 

"You can do that," Clarke nodded and turned back to the canvas. "Okay so we're going to draw a seal first, then we'll paint it." Clarke started to draw an oval shape. "Okay so first draw an oval..." Clarke stuck her tongue out in concentration. 

Lexa tried to follow. She had managed to make a wobbly circle looking thing. 

"Next..." Clarke started and turned towards the class. 

Lexa could feel herself starting to panic as she tried to erase the weird circle thing, only for her to smudge the canvas and make it look worse. 

Her face must clearly be showing how she felt inside because Clarke had walked around and held up an eraser for Lexa. She took the eraser and managed to get rid of the smudge. 

Clarke grabbed the back of Lexas hand and leaned forward, smirking when she felt Lexa tense up a bit. "Here move your arm... like... this..." 

Lexa nodded and kept her attention forward as she felt Clarkes chest rub against her back and shoulder. 

Clarke leaned in and whispered against Lexas ear, "Good." Her smirk grew when she heard Lexa take in a shaky breath. The blonde suddenly leaned back and clapped her hands, "Okay! Now everyone picks the colors they want to paint with." 

Clarke grabbed a darker blue, some black, a lighter and darker grey, and some white for hers. 

Lexa just sat there, mouth opened as she kept her eyes focused on the seal in front of her. 

The room suddenly got very loud as every lid got up and ran to a bucket of different paints, each yelling and talking to each other. 

Lexa just stayed in her seat. 

Clarke kept her eyes on the blushing brunette. 

Lexa swallowed hard and turned around.

"Hi," a little blonde girl with bright green eyes smiled and gave Lexa a small wave. 

"Oh! Hi!" Lexa smiled at the little girl. 

The girl giggled, "you're pretty."

"Not as pretty as you though," Lexa smiled at the giggling girl. 

The girl ran off towards her friends and started pointing at Lexa. 

Slowly they all came over one by one.

"What do you do?" One of the kids asked. 

"I'm a mechanic!" Lexa said proudly. "I fix broken cars."

The kids were wide eyed as she talked. 

Clarke kept her eyes on the interaction. 

"How tall are you?" 

"I'm five foot seven," Lexa smiled. 

"Why are you here?" One kid said abruptly.

Lexa pointed towards Clarke, "She dragged me along."

"Do you like Miss Clarke?"

"What?"

"Do you love her? My mommy says it's okay for people to love each other."

"D-Do I... what?" Lexas face started to turn red. "I-I like her... yes?" 

"Oh do you now?" Clarke had walked up to the small crowd and was standing over them. 

"As a friend?" Lexa questioned. 

"Uh-huh..." Clarke smirked and walked back to the front of the room. "Has everyone finished painting?" 

"Yes!" A majority of the kids yelled. 

"So do you like-like her?" 

"I... do like her," Lexa stood up and walked to the different paints and grabbed a few. 

"You have a crush on her!" One kid shouted too loud. 

"Lexa and Clarke sitting in a tree..." A kid started the chant. 

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Some other kid continued. 

Lexa groaned and sat back in her small seat. She kept her attention to the canvas ass he started to fill in the drawing. 

The time for the class to end did not come soon enough, and Lexa was grateful for it. 

The room slowly started to dissipate as the kids moms and dads started to pick them up. 

A few parents stayed back to talk to Clarke. 

"I'm really glad you do this class, for free too!" A dark haired woman was talking to Clarke.

"It's no problem, I enjoy it. All these kids are so adorable. It's kind of the highlight of my week." She bent down and ruffled the hair of a little boy, who laughed and tried to push Clarkes hand away. 

Lexa walked up to the two talking women and smiled. 

"We'll have to go," the woman grabbed her son's hand and walked him out of the building.

"So, how was your first painting lesson?" Clarke smiled at Lexa.

"Eh, it was okay. The teacher could have been a bit better." Lexa playfully smiled. 

"Well if memory serves, the teacher did help you with your drawing." Clarke poked Lexa's arm.

"This is true."

"Now you owe me something," Clarke grabbed Lexas hand and ushered her outside. 

Lexa smiled at the warmth of Clarkes hand against hers, "What do I owe you?" 

"Show me your favorite hangout spot."

"Oh! Right! We have to go later at night though. That's when it's the best. Also we need to borrow Murphy's truck." Letting go of Clarkes hand Lexa pulls out her phone and sends a quick message to her friend. 

'Yo let me borrow your taco truck'

'My what?'

'Your taco truck fool'

'I don't own a taco truck?'  
'MY FUCKING TACOMA? JUST SAY THAT'  
'BE NORMAL'

'Taco truck :)'

'One condition'

'K what is it?????'

'I lied two first stop being so annoying and weird'  
'Second you gotta get me a giant pack of hostess cupcakes and YOU CAN'T EAT THEM ALL THIS TIME' 

Lexa rolled her eyes and smiled, "Okay so we can borrow it tonight. Just we have to go to the store for him. I have to go to the grocery shop anyway so we can do that while I'm there too... if you don't mind."

"Now why would I mind?" Clarke reached for Lexas hand again.

Lexa quickly pulled her hand away causing Clarke to slightly frown. 

"Are you hungry?" Lexa didn't look at Clarke. 

"You okay?" Clarke crossed her arms over her chest. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," Lexa gave the blonde an unconvincing smile. "Do you want food? I could use food."

"Sure, what did you have in mind?" 

"Why don't you pick this time? I could go for anything." 

"Are you okay, Lexa?"

Lexa felt warmth course through her body when the blonde girl said her name. She nodded and gave a tight smile. 

"Does a burger sound good?" Clarke walked off towards her car in the parking lot. 

Lexa followed behind. 

"What made you decide to teach this class?" Lexa tried small talk. 

"I like kids. I think they're adorable." Clarke smiled fondly. "This class just helps me keep my mind off things." 

"Like what?"

Clarke shrugged, "It's just... sometimes I don't want to feel anything and this keeps my mind away from those thoughts. I just hate certain feelings."

"Like love," Lexa piped up.

Clarke turned towards the brunette with wide eyes, "I'm sorry I really shouldn't have put that on your shoulders."

"Clarke, you're allowed to talk about things and have emotions. You're not a robot." Lexa put her hand on the blonde's shoulder and smiled. "You're human after all."

"I fucking wish I wasnt," Clarke scoffed and drove the car off causing the wheels to squeal. "I know a good burger place." 

After eating their burgers, Lexa getting a Hawaiian burger causing Clarke to gag at the idea of a pineapple on a burger, the girls headed back to John's apartment to pick up the keys. 

"Make sure it has a full tank of gas before you get back!" He shouted as the two girls left. "Don't forget my cupcakes!" 

It wasn't dark enough to go to Lexas favorite place yet, so the girls opted to go to the store first to waste some time. 

___

Lexa parked the truck in a parking spot and got out of the car. She grabbed a shopping cart and waited for Clarke to fall in step with her. 

"So what does the mysterious Lexa eat?" Clarke looked around the almost completely empty store.

"'Mysterious'?" Lexa snorted. "So far from that. I'm an open book, Clarke."

"Ha! You are funny, I'll give you that." 

"I eat..." Lexa trailed off. 

"Oh I know what you'd like to eat," Clarke didn't look at Lexa as she made her comment. 

"Dude!" Lexa was turning red, very red. 

"What? I'm just being honest." Clarke shrugged and kept her eyes forward. 

"Sh-Shut up..." Lexa let out a small cough as she guided them down the produce aisle. "I actually don't eat as healthy as I should." 

"But do you work out?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Good."

"What does that mean?" Lexa stopped the cart and looked at some apples before grabbing a bag. 

"Just wondering," Clarke let her voice get lower and she leaned towards Lexas ear. "Maybe we can workout together." 

"Clarke Griffin, are you trying to flirt with me?" Lexa stood up straight and looked directly into Clarkes blue eyes. "Because I don't think you can handle my type of workout." 

"Oh really? And exactly what makes you say that?" Clarke held her ground. 

"Well..." Lexa leaned forward. "First of all I'd make you sweat." She moved her face closer to Clarkes. "I'd make you want more." She glanced down at the blonde's lips. "I'd make you crave more." Lexa licked her lips and started to close her eyes, moving every so slightly forward. 

"Excuse me!" A voice interrupted the two girls. "You're standing in front of the apples."

The two girls cleared their throats and took a few steps back. 

"Sorry," Clarke mumbled. 

Lexa walked towards another aisle with Clarke trailing behind. 

"That was kind of rude," Clarke turned to look back at the person who had interrupted them. 

"I have a question for you," Lexa started as she stopped in front of the cereal. "Is cereal a soup or a salad?" 

"What kind of question is that?" Clarke laughed. 

"It's the type of question that determines if you're worthy of a friendship." Lexa smiled and grabbed a box of frosted flakes. "So, is it a soup or a salad?"

"Its fucking cereal! Um..." Clarke thought for a minute. "It's a salad because in soup the noodles, and veggies don't really get soggy like cereal does. But lettuce gets soggy after a while if it just sits in dressing."

"Oh, Clarke, how wrong are you," Lexa dragged them down the pastry aisle and grabbed three boxes of cupcakes. "Cereal is a soup."

"Uh, no it's not? Also why so many cupcakes?"

"I owe Murphy a box, the other two are mine," Lexa beamed. "Also cereal is a soup. You have your base, the milk, you have your 'noodles' which is the cereal and you can mix and match anyways. How is it not?" 

"Uh it gets soggy?" 

"You get soggy."

"What?"

"Nothing!" Lexa clamped her mouth shut. 

"What's your favorite cereal?" Clarke asked as they loaded the groceries into the cart. 

"Frosted flakes, or cocoa puffs."

"You've got a huge sweet tooth, don't you?" 

Lexa looked up at the blonde and smiled, "If it's sweet I'll most likely like it. So yes. But I also love fruit. Oh! Also! I can't actually buy chocolate bars anymore because if I do I'll eat the pack in a day, then feel bad, then buy two more packs, eat them all... and it's an endless cycle." 

"Really?" Clarke laughed. "So remind me not to buy you any sort of chocolate assortment." 

"No, buy me some. It's an excuse to eat chocolate."

Clarke rolled her eyes and let out another soft laugh.

The two girls walked towards the truck and put the groceries in the back seat. 

Lexa looked up at the sky and smiled at the different hues of purples and blues and pinks, "Its sunset." She looked at Clarke. "We can head to my favorite spot now. By the time we get there it'll be dark enough." 

Clarke nodded and gulped, suddenly feeling anxious. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. Her heart beat started to pick up and she felt the urge to want to bite her nails. She put her fingers up to her lips and opened her mouth. 

Clarke paused and lowered her hand back to her lap, taking in slow shaky breaths.

"Are you okay?" Lexa started the truck and glanced at the blonde.

Clarke nodded and forced a smile, "Yeah just a little bit excited to see your spot."

Lexa gave a half smile and drove the truck out of the parking lot. 

They drove for what felt like twenty minutes before Lexa pulled off into a dirt road. Night had finally fallen as they continued up the dark path. 

"I feel like you're taking me somewhere you'll murder me and hide my body," Clarke broke the silence.

Lexa let out a loud laugh and leaned forward over the steering wheel, she forced her eyes to stay open as she felt tears well up in her eyes. "It really looks like it! Trust me, it's not what you think." 

"Mhm... sounds like something a serial killer would say." 

"Maybe you're going to murder me and dump my corpse," Lexa mocked shock. She lifted one of her hands to her mouth and then let out another small laugh. "I could take you."

"Wanna bet?"

"Oh don't tempt me. I can get feisty in a boxing ring."

"Prove it," Clarke teased. 

"Oh I will. One day I most definitely will. Close your eyes." Lexa looked over at Clarke as they came to a stop. 

"What if I don't want to?"

"Then I'll blind fold you."

"Oh Lexa is into blind folding now?"

Lexa felt herself blushing, "Shut up. Close your eyes." 

Clarke closed her eyes and giggled. She heard Lexa get out of the car and open the tailgate. She felt the rush of wind as her door was yanked open. 

"Okay I'm going to grab your hand, but keep your eyes closed." Lexa tenderly grabbed Clarkes hand and intertwined their fingers. She helped the blonde out of the car and slowly make their way to the back of the truck. 

"Now it really feels like you're going to murder me," Clarke smiled.

"Maybe, but not anytime soon." Lexa guided the blonde to sit on the back of the truck. "Okay now slowly lay back and open your eyes." Lexa laid down and watched Clarke slowly lean back. 

"Lexa... this is actually incredible," Clarke turned to look at Lexa who was staring at her. "This..." she looked back up at the night sky. Her eyes wandered all around the stars as she slowly took it all in. "I like how some stars are brighter."

"You know, Peter Pan is on the brightest star out there."

"Wow what a nerd," Clarke didn't look away from the sky. She slowly sat up and looked around the entire city in front of them.

Lexa followed and looked around the large city.

"It's crazy to think how big this city is and how small we are," Clarke looked at Lexa.

"I know. We're like ants in a colony." Lexa turned and smiled.

"It really is though. But imagine all these other people's lives out there and here we are, standing over all of them." Clarke glanced down at Lexa's lips then back up to her green eyes.

"Yeah," Lexa breathed as she started to lean forward.

Clarkes eyes slowly closed.

'Bzzzt. Bzzt.'

Shit.

Clarke felt her phone vibrating in her pocket, "Shit, Lexa I am so sorry. Let me just..." Clarke groaned as she fished for her phone in her pocket. She pulled it out and saw her moms name pop up on the screen. "Fuck. I have to take this. Sorry." She gave an apologetic smile. "Hi mom this isn't a good time right now I'm in the-"

"Oh Clarke, you're always in the middle of something. I just want to talk to my daughter." Abby slurred her words. 

"Mom are you drinking?"

"You know it's almost your father's death anniversary."

Clarke sighted and put her forefinger and thumb against the bridge of her nose, "Yes, mother. It's not a good time, can I call you later?"

"Clarkey! You don't love me, do you?" Abby took a sip of her drink. 

"Mom, please can we do this some other time? I have a lot I have to do." 

"You can say it, Clarke," she emphasized her daughter's name. "Go ahead and say it. You never liked me, did you?"

"Mom seriously, I'm going to hang up," Clarke could feel herself getting anxious. She took in a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. 

"Why, though, baby? Remember the fun we had?"

"That was before dad died and you became cold hearted," Clarke realized what she said. She froze. Heart thumping. "I-I didn't... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. It... I'm... mom I'm so sorry." Clarke stuttered out.

"I wish it was you and not your dad."

The line went dead. 

Clarke was frozen. She wanted to go home. She had to go home. 

"Clarke?" Lexa gently put her hand against Clarkes lower back. "Hey, Clarke?"

Clarkes head snapped towards Lexa, tears threatening to fall. 

"I need to go home," Clarke kept her tone and neutral as she could. "Please." She breathed. 

"Clarke I want to use one of my questions."

"I don't want to deal with this dumb game, okay?" Clarke snapped and got off the bed of the truck. "Just fucking take me home. I don't want to be here anymore. I dont care about this bullshit anymore. Take me the fuck home." 

"Okay," Lexa jumped off the bed of the truck. 

They quietly got into the car and started to drive back to John's apartment so Clarke could get her car. 

Lexa turned on the radio to a soft rock station, but kept the sound low. 

"Are you okay?" Lexa tried again, keeping her eyes on the road and both hands on the steering wheel. 

"Lexa, I said I dont want to fucking talk about it. Can you respect my goddamn wishes and not be annoying?" Clarke felt herself tense and regret what she said the moment it came out. 

Lexa offered no response, not even a nod to Clarkes request. 

When they reached the apartments, Lexa haphazardly parked the car and quickly got out. She opened the back and started grabbing groceries. 

"I can help," Clarke tried to take back what she said earlier. 

"No," Lexa did not offer anything else. She grabbed some of the bags and walked over to her car and put them in the back seat. 

Clarke slowly walked over to her car and started it. She sat in it and stared at the street as the world went by. 

No one knows what she's feeling. No one knows how much she regrets snapping at Lexa like that. No one cares. 

She looked at the brunette putting the last of the bags into her blue-grey subaru.

'Yes you can use your questions!'

Clarke thought as she continued to watch Lexa grab a box of the cupcakes. 

'Yes you can ask me anything you want.'

She watched the brunette glance in her direction, probably wondering why her car was still there and what she was doing. 

Clarke watches as Lexa pulls her phone out of her pocket, only to put it back a few seconds later.

She kept her eyes in the spot Lexa was as she slowly walked up the stairs, disappearing into her friends apartment. 

No one knew how Clarke felt. 

She wishes she could go back.

She wanted to tell Lexa everything.

She felt salt around Lexa. 

Like she's known her for a while. 

Clarke wants to tell Lexa things she's never told anyone before. 

She wants to feel the warmth of Lexas hand again. She wants to run up to the brunette and apologize for snapping at her. She wants to talk to her and tell her about everything. 

Instead Clarke finally drives. She finally pulls out of the parking spot and drives down the busy road in front of her. 

She doesnt stop until she reaches her destination. 

Grabbing her backpack, Clarke heads into the studio. She sits down on the wooden stool and dips her brush in pink paint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not an artist so I have no idea how inaccurate this all is lol 
> 
> New clexa content!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IN THE YEAR 2020?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obligatory I typed everything on my phone

'Clarke what happened?'  
'How was your date?'  
'I'm not fucking doing this again it's been 3 days and you havent answered your goddamn phone'  
'Fucking talk to us! We're here to help you!'

Clarke hasn't answered her friends. She barely got out the last few days. She felt herself getting hot as the guilt kicked in. 

Clarke got out of bed and walked to the main area. She looked around at the half eaten food on dirty plates all around.

She heard her phone buzzing but ignored it, figuring it was one of her friends calling. 

Soon after the phone stopped her phone pinged with a new message. 

She slowly walked to her room and glanced at the messages. 

There was a number she recognized but never saved to her phone.

A client. 

The one she made the skyline for.

The client thanked her and sent a picture of it to Clarke and where it was set up.

The client got compliments over it and said she was going to send some people her way. 

Clarke looked at the painting in the picture. 

She studied it.

After that day when she went back to her studio she painted what she had seen with Lexa. 

She painted a cliff with an old beat up dark green truck. You could see a silhouette of two people laying in the bed of the truck. 

The sky had different shades of red and purple and blue. Not quite what they had seen driving up to the cliff side, but close enough. It's supposed to be unique. 

Higher up the sky was dark. You could see the small individual stars, even the lighter ones. 

The moon was vibrant. 

The way it was painted looked like it almost glowed. 

It added a different feeling to the painting. One the client she had painted for wouldn't understand. 

Clarke scrolled through her messages and stopped at Lexas name. 

They hadn't exchanged a single message since Clarke snapped at her.

She hated it. She hated herself. She felt worthless for doing something to someone who seemed so sweet and innocent and nice and... caring. 

Lexa had genuine interest in what was going on. Her tone never indicated pity or like she felt forced to ask. 

Clarke wanted Lexa to ask her again. 

Clarke wanted her to use her questions from their silly little game. 

Fuck.

"I fucked up," Clarke said to no one. "I hate everything." She went to her bed and laid down and pulled the blankets over her head. "I fucking..." she let herself trail off and glanced at her phone again. 

Clarke quickly sent a message to Raven.

'I'm sorry I feel shitty'

It was a simple message but the point came across. 

'What do you mean? Do you want us there?'

No.

She didn't want anyone around her. She wanted to lay in bed and mope. Clarke wanted nothing to do with anyone or anything in her life again.

She felt like she was at an all time low. Especially after what her mother had said to her. 

Her phone started buzzing and she glanced at the number calling her. She didn't recognize it so she didn't pick up. 

Once the phone went to voicemail the same number started calling again. 

The same thing happened two more times before Clarke finally answered. 

"Hey, I'm sorry if you're trying to get contact with me to make you a piece, I'm kind of busy right now..." She started.

"Hey, Clarke. It's John Murphy."

"Oh... hello."

"I'm gonna just go ahead and get right to the point," His tone was concerned. "I'm really not sure what happened between the two of you and honestly that's between you both. It's really none of my concern. My only issue is you really hurt her, Clarke."

"I know," Clarke felt tears welling up in her eyes. 

"I don't mean to sound like a shitty person or try to guilt you into anything, but can you try to talk to her? Other than work she hasn't really wanted to hang out or speak to anything." John's concern grew more and more throughout the conversation. 

"I will. I'll call her right after this."

"How about you come down to the shop? Talk to her face to face?" 

Clarke sat up in her bed and looked at her knees. She slowly nodded. "Yeah I can do that. Do you think tomorrow works?" 

"Yes! Actually that would be great!" He let out a strained laugh. "I kinda think she might try fighting someone at work. She's not as patient as she used to be."

'Patients' Clarke thought. 'She's very patient with me.'

"Listen I have to go, but I'd really appreciate it." 

"Yeah I'll be there tomorrow around noon?" Clarke got up and walked to the main area. 

"Yeah that works. She should be off lunch by then. Thank you, so much, Clarke." John hung up without a goodbye.

Clarke looked around at the dishes again and felt dejected. 

She laid back down in bed and started scrolling through social media. 

"Maybe I should just tell him I can't go," Clarke debated with herself. "I don't want to go... yes I do."

Clarke got out of bed and walked over to the dirty dishes. She picked them up one by one and threw away the half eaten food on them. 

She turned the TV on to some movie while she washed the dishes and took out the trash. Once her task was done Clarke looked around and smiled. 

"Maybe I'll invite her over and we can..." She didn't finish the sentence. 

The blonde took in a deep breath and held it until her lungs burned, she slowly let it out and sat down on the couch. 

She went on her phone and scrolled through social media. Clarke went through her own page and looked at the times she thought she was happy. 

She looked at photos of her and Raven and Octavia laughing and smiling. 

Tears threatened to fall down her eyes as she kept scrolling.

'I miss being happy. I miss Lexa.'

Clarke shook her head at the thought and turned her phone off.

She turned her head towards the TV and watched whatever movie was on to keep her mind distracted. 

___

Lexa was leaning over the engine of a car when she felt someone tap her shoulder. She looked up and gave a slight smile to her friend.

"Hey someones here for you, asking for you by name," He pointed towards the lobby.

"Oh, cool just send them back here," She stood up and grabbed a red rag from her tool box. Lexa took her gloves off and looked around the shop.

There was a soft thud and a laugh. 

Lexa turned around to see her stack of used tires falling. 

"Hey what the fuck, man?" She yelled and looked at a taller, older man. "Fucking pick them up."

The man stopped and looked at Lexa. 

He had black hair that was slowly greying. 

"Dont be fucking rude. Pick them up." She held her ground. 

He looked at her with a blank expression before turning around and walking away. 

"Hey!" She ran over to him and put her hand on his arm, forcing the older man to turn around. "You knocked over my goddamn tires. Pick them up." 

The man stood up straighter, towering Lexa with his six foot figure. 

"I'm not fucking scared. Pick up the fucking tires or I'll make you." Lexa growled. 

"Lexa?" Clarkes voice piped up from behind her, causing her to tense up.

The older man in front of her just smirked and turned away. 

"What the fuck?!" She shouted as he walked away. 

Lexa turned to Clarke, anger in her eyes, "You don't get to fucking do this!" She shouted and pointed a finger towards her. "You fucking can't be back here." 

"Lexa, calm down," John tried to step in.

"No I changed my mind. I don't want her back here. If shes going to ghost me and not want anything to do with me then that's fucking fine. But I don't want to talk." Lexa turned towards where the older man walked off. 

"Lexa, you're not doing this either. Sit the fuck down and talk." John put his hand on Lexas shoulder and forced her to face them. "You're not going to act like a coward like what happened before. I'm not letting you shut down again." 

"That had nothing to do with you!" Lexa retorted and crossed her arms over her chest. 

A crowd was forming around the three of them.

"Why don't you try to keep your tone down?" John took a step towards Lexa and lowered his voice. "Let's go talk outside."

"It has nothing to do with you, Murphy," Lexa turned to Clarke. "And I really don't want to talk to someone who clearly couldn't give two shits about me." 

"Lexa, please, let's talk. Outside." Clarke stuck her hand out. 

"Lexa," John sighed. "Just fucking talk, okay?" 

Lexa rolled her eyes, "Fine." She walked past the two of them and went towards the front of the store.

John stayed inside and let the two girls go talk. 

"I brought my bike today, so if you want somewhere more private we have to go to your car." Lexa refused to look Clarke in the eye, she kept her eyes on the ground. 

"Yeah, my car is fine."

They walked over to Clarkes car and sat in it. 

"Lexa, I'm really sorry, okay? I just... don't do well with certain things."

"Yeah, I get that. Trust me I understand it completely. What I don't get is why you decided to just not message me saying you were okay or something?" Lexa leaned her head against the window. "I like you, Clarke. I really do. I havent really felt this way about anything in a really long time. Not since - that doesn't matter. But I don't want to go about and have fun with someone and it turns out you don't even care."

"Stop saying I don't care!" Clarke yelled back. "I fucking do okay? I'm just not good at talking about certain shit, alright? I'm fucking sorry, I really am." Clarke felt her chest heaving. 

"Not trying to talk to someone because you don't know what to do seems pretty shitty," Lexa looked over at Clarke. 

"It's not like you reached out to me," Clarke scoffed. 

"I figured you wanted to be alone."

"Wait, hold the fuck up. You fucking thought I wanted to be alone, it's why you didnt message me?" Clarke paused, waiting for a response from Lexa. When she realized she wasn't going to respond, she continued. "You're mad at me for not messaging you, BUT you thought you wanted me to be alone? Reality check - you can message me whenever you want, but you didn't." Clarke was angry. She was more than angry. She could feel her blood boiled as she ranted. "You're a hypocrite and you need more than a reality check."

"Clarke -"

"No, Lexa, if you want me to talk to you, then try to talk to me too." Clarke finally stopped talking. She could feel her hands shaking so she put them on the steering wheel and gripped, hard. 

"You're right," Lexa finally broke the silence. "I should have, but I didn't." Lexas voice was calm. "I should be apologizing. I was just having fun hanging out with you and spending time with you... I thought we were going somewhere." Lexa rubbed the back of her neck. "I like you, Clarke."

"Lexa."

Lexa barely managed to turn her head before she felt Clarke wrap a hand around the back of her head, pulling her into a kiss. 

Clarke felt the air in her lungs suddenly dissipate when their lips finally touched. Her heart was pounding against her chest and her knees grew weak. She felt like time could freeze at any moment and she would be completely okay with it.

The kiss grew deeper as Lexa slid her hand to the back of Clarkes neck, pulling her in closer.

Clarkes heart continued to pound against her chest, as she let herself get pulled in.

Lexa let out a soft gasp when Clarke sank her teeth into her bottom lip. 

Clarke inhaled and got a mix of dirt, oil, and the slight coconut scent of Lexas shampoo.

Lexa felt Clarke pushing her, causing the back of her head to press against the car window as the kiss intensified. She felt the softness of Clarkes lips grow hungry as she opened her mouth and gently swiped her tongue against her lip. Lexa let out a throaty moan and slid her hand into blonde hair, gripping roughly. 

"I've wanted to do that for a while," Clarke smiled with bruised lips when she finally pulled away. 

"Yeah," Lexa nodded, feeling her heart still thumping against her chest. "Me too." Lexa licked her lips and turned back towards Clarke. She roughly pressed her lips against the blondes, causing their teeth to clink. 

Clarke leaned into the kiss. She felt heat rising from her stomach to her chest as her heart skipped a few beats.

Lexa pushed Clarke up against the window and put both hands on either side of the blonde's head. 

Clarke slid a hand against Lexas cheek and breathed in her scent, lungs completely filling. 

The brunette sighed against Clarkes lips before slowly pulling away. "I really wanted to do that." Her voice was barely audible over their heavy breathing. "I should get back to work." Lexa finally said after a few minutes of silence. 

Clarke nodded, "Wait!" She suddenly shouted as Lexa opened the car door. "Do you want to come over tonight? F-For dinner I mean. Not anything else." Clarke felt her cheeks burn. 

Lexa leaned her head into the car and smiled, "Yeah. I'd like that." 

"I can cook!" 

"Yeah if you want to. Do you want me to bring anything?" Lexa put a piece of loose hair behind her ear. 

"Um, maybe wine? I don't have any and I could use a drink... or five." The blonde mumbled the last part. 

"I can do that. Any requests?" 

Clarke shook her head, "Not really. I'm okay with boxed wine, honestly."

Lexa let out a soft laugh and smiled, showing off her teeth. "Okay. I'll see you at your place, tonight." Lexa closed the door harder than she intended. 

Clarke watched the brunette walk into the building. 

"Oh shit! I need to send her the time!" Clarke said aloud and quickly pulled out her phone and sent Lexa a message. 

She scrolled through her contacts and dialed her friend's number. 

"Raven. I have to talk to you." 

___

Clarke looked over at the dinner plates set out on the coffee table. She started feeling embarrassed when she realized they weren't going to be sitting at an actual table. 

"Fuck." 

She looked around to try and figure out if she could quickly makeshift a table. 

"I don't even have a fucking table cloth. She won't mind... right?" Clarke sighed and sat on the couch and groaned. "Fuck me... I cant even do a stupid date right. We should have just went out to eat." She grabbed her phone and opened up her messages with Lexa. 

'Hey I think we should reschedule...' Clarke typed out but didn't press send. 

"Fuck!" She groaned and deleted the message and tossed her phone next to her. "I'm such a fuck up. She probably doesn't even really like me." 

Right as Clarke picked up her phone, about to message Lexa to not come over, there was a soft knock at the door. 

"Shit!" Clarke looked down at her white shirt and smoothed it out. She quickly walked to the door and opened it.

"Hey... I'm not early am I?" Lexa tugged on the sleeves of her long-sleeved red and black flannel.

"No, it's almost done," Clarke smiled and stepped to the side so the brunette could walk in. "I didn't know you had glasses."

"Oh, yeah," Lexa took off the frames from her face and held them up and squinted. "I wear contacts at work, and usually most of the time. I like them over glasses." She smiled and cleaned them on her shirt before putting the matte black frames back on her face. "I don't have to worry about breaking them while at work." 

Clarke looked around the room and focused her eyes on the coffee table with the plates. She grew warm with the sudden feeling of embarrassment. "Sorry I don't really have a kitchen table. I also see you brought wine." 

"Oh, no, dude you're fine. I honestly thought this was going to be a lot fancier. I thought I was going to be super underdressed or something. This is like a major upgrade from my place anyway." Lexa rambled on and eyed the room. "It's actually really cozy looking in here. And it smells good." Lexa held up the bottle of cheap wine and smiled. "Where should I put it? 

"You think so? I'm not actually a good cook." Clarke walked into the kitchen and opened the aluminum foil that had two decent sized steaks in them. "I made steak and baked potatoes with some veggies. I figured you would be okay with it. Um, just put it on the kitchen counter."

Lexa walked into the kitchen, "yeah. That sounds amazing. I didn't know you could cook."

"I can't," Clarke laughed. "I genuinely can't. I followed a recipe. I made sure this was going to be good." She looked at the brunette standing there and gave a small smile when she noticed Lexa was staring at her. "What?"

Lexa shook her head and said nothing. 

"Do you mind getting the plates?" 

Lexa grabbed the two plates from the coffee table and walked back into the kitchen. She softly put them next to the cutting board and watched Clarke put the food on them. 

"Left or right?" 

"Surprise me."

Clarke eyed the plates, then the brunette standing in front of her. "Hm... you're a growing girl, take the left one."

Lexa smiled before taking the plate, "I'm taller than you though, maybe you should take this one." 

Clarke rolled her eyes and walked to the main area and sat on the couch, "Whatever you say, oh tall one."

Lexa rolled her eyes this time and followed Clarke to the couch where she sat down with a soft plop. 

Clarke turned on the TV and started scrolling through Netflix, "what do you want to watch?" 

Lexa set her plate on the table and started cutting the perfectly cooked steak, "um... oh deadpool!" Lexa pointed at the TV when Clarke landed on the movie. 

"You like this movie?"

"Pfft, who doesn't?" Lexa took a big bite of the food.

"I wasn't sure if you wanted something healthier since you work out and all," Clarke let out an awkward laugh and started cutting up her own food. 

"I'm not working out tonight. But I might plan on getting sweaty." The tone for the last part came out cockier than Lexa intended. 

"Are you flirting with me?" Clarke leaned against the couch and smirked. 

"Are you sure you want to ask me that? Remember I have four questions." Lexa casually took another bite of the food. 

"I'll make it five, then."

"Yeah I am flirting with you. Have been trying to for a while now, thanks for noticing." Lexa had a goofy smile on her face as she faced the blonde. 

"Mhm..." Clarke went back to eating the food. "Do you plan on getting sweaty tonight?"

"What?" Lexa started choking on her food. She started coughing furiously and she grabbed a cup of water, downing half of it in one go. "What?" She finally managed out. 

"You're the one who said it."

"Does that count as another question?"

"Nope!" Clarke took a big bite of her food to prevent Lexa from asking her a question. 

"Okay then I'm going to ignore your question and ask you one of my own."

"Hey you can't do that! It's not a game of truth!" 

"Do you want to play a game of truth?" 

"That counts as a question!" Clarke pointed a finger at Lexa. "You're down to three!"

"No it doesn't. It wasn't a personal question." Lexa crossed her arms over her chest and smirked at the gaping girl. 

"How? Those aren't the rules."

"Clarke, there aren't any rules in this. I just started doing it with you." Lexa let out a small laugh and shook her head. "But I'm adding rules. It has to be a personal question. So, ignoring what you asked me before, have you ever done drugs?"

Clarke snorted, "Please, I'm an artist. Of course I have. I still have a lot of things if you're ever down to try."

Lexa gave Clarke a concerning look, "I will keep that in mind for the future." She tenderly took a bit of the asparagus Clarke had cooked. 

"What about you?" 

"Pot was my biggest experience."

"Wait, really?" Clarke quickly turned her head towards Lexa. "Like nothing else?" 

Lexa shrugged, "Not really. I've always wanted to try other things but I was too scared to. I smoked a lot, and I mean a lot of pot in high school. It was sorta... my escape from a lot of things." 

"Like what?"

"Another question? Might as well just play truth at this point." 

"Okay then, truth; what were you trying to escape from?"

"I should have stuck with the questions," Lexa mumbled to herself. "Living in a foster home was shitty. I had Anya up to a point, but once she could leave well she did. She kept in contact with me and everything until she could get me out but man... it was fucking trash." Lexa shrugged and stared at the TV. "I guess it was an excuse to leave the house and spend time with people I could tolerate more."

"I take it as you don't want to talk about it?" Clarke put a hand on Lexas shoulder only to quickly pull it away once she felt the brunette tense up and slightly flinch. 

"Not really. Maybe another time?" Lexa took in a deep breath before slowly letting it out. "I'm sorry it's just not something I enjoy talking about?" 

"You really don't have to, it's okay, Lexa." 

Lexa felt herself grow warm when the blonde said her name. She managed a small smile before focusing on the food and movie. "Truth. This is what you consider a fancy date."

"What?" Clarke started laughing. "Not fucking really. But it's nice I guess? This is the shit my friends and I pull."

"Oh so is that what i am now?" Lexa raised a brow. "A friend?"

"No. I mean yes? But also no?" Clarkes eyes moved rapidly around the room as she thought of the correct response. "I-I..."

"It's okay, I'm kidding. I'd rather be your friend then no one to you."

"Jesus fucking christ," Clarke let out a breath she didnt realize she was holding. "Don't do that." 

"Sorry," Lexa smiled. "I consider this fancy though. I really down own anything nice. Literally borrowed this shirt from Murphy." Lexa lifted the collar of the flannel. "I'm not a very fancy person."

Clarke shrugged, "I'm okay with it. I don't mind fancy dinners if it needs to be, but honestly I prefer it to be more casual." 

"Good," Lexa sounded more confident. "Me too. Truth. Have you ever broken a bone?"

"Nope. I'm surprised too. I was the kind of kid who climbed trees and then jumped out of them and sometimes I would go on swings and jump out of them."

Lexa nodded and slowly ate some veggies. 

"You?"

"Oh yeah. So many." Lexa unbuttoned the top of the flannel, revealing a skin tight black spaghetti strap underneath. She held out her left arm to show the scar that went from the middle of her bicep to her shoulder. "My friends and I were messing around with a new car someone just got. He was trying to drift, acting all badass, and well he didn't do it right. I was the only one injured. I was in the passenger seat." Lexas eyes went distant as she remembered the day. "My bone was pretty much sticking out of my arm. I was in surgery for a few hours. My foster parents were fucking pissed at the time. Once they realized they could sue my friend for it they weren't so mad." She pointed at small looking scars on her bicep that followed the bigger one. "You can see where the staples were." 

Clarkes eyes wandered down the toned girl's arm and stopped at a tattoo, "What does that mean?" She pointed at the quote. 

Lexa shrugged and quickly put the flannel back on, "It's for an old girlfriend." 

"Old enough to make you get a tattoo though," Clarke teased. She frowned once she realized Lexa seemed bothered. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Actually… not really." 

"You should meet my friends, sometime." Clarke smiled and tried to change the subject. "Since I already met yours and all." 

Knock.

Clarkes head whipped to the door. 

Lexa gave the blonde a confused look.

"I dont know?" Clarke questioned as she stood up and walked to the door. She didn't even bother looking through the peephole and opened the door widely. "What the fuck?" 

"What's up, Griff?" Raven and Octavia said in unison. 

"We brought nachos this time!" Octavia held up a plastic bag and smiled. 

"Who the hell is that?" Raven said abruptly and pointed at a very confused looking Lexa. 

Lexa stood up and sauntered over to the door and stuck her hand out, "I'm Lexa, and you are…?" She shook both of the girls hands. 

"I'm Raven, one of blondies best friends."

"I'm Octavia, one of Clarkes other best friends."

Lexa smiled politely at the two, "Actually, Clarke cooked. So no nachos?" 

"Woah. What? You can cook? I thought nearly burning down the entire apartment didn't count as cooking." Raven laughed and pushed her way into the building. "Holy shit. You cooked! And it smells amazing."

"We were actually kind of having a private thing going on…" Clarke grumbled. 

"I'm just as surprised as Raven is. Remember last time?" Octavia walked into the room and walked over to the couch. 

"Can you two leave?"

"Clarke, it's fine," Lexa put a hand on the blonde's shoulder. "I should really meet your friends too. Since you met mine and all." Lexa offered a friendly smile and gently grabbed Clarkes ring finger and small finger.

Clarke nodded and closed the front door. 

The two girls walked into the room and sat on the couch, next to Raven and Octavia.

Lexa gently squeezed Clarkes fingers a few times.

'Probably a nervous habit.'

The blonde thought as she glanced down at their fingers.

"Which ones yours blondie?" Raven looked at the two plates of half eaten food. "I want to try it." 

Clarke pointed at the farther plate with her free hand. 

"You can have some of mine too. I don't mind." Lexa let go of Clarkes hand and pushed a loose strand of brown hair behind her ear. 

Clarke frowned at the sudden light feeling of her fingers. 

Raven nodded and picked up a plate and started cutting away at the food. "Yo this shit is amazing!" She said in between bites. "O, try it!" She held up a piece of the food up to the other girl's mouth.

Octavia took the fork from Raven's hand and ate the food. "Were you pretending you couldn't cook the entire time or like… what?" 

Clarke rolled her eyes, "Can you guys just leave. I'm supposed to be on a date."

"So, who exactly are you?" Raven ignored Clarkes protests. 

"I'm actually one of her clients."

Octavia nodded and took another bite of the food, "God Clarke reminded me to go on a date with you. So why are you dating a client, Griff?"

Clarke shrugged, "She asked me out first." 

"Woah, what? I did not." 

Raven smiled widely and wiggled her eyebrows but said nothing. 

"You asked me to brunch, and paid for it." 

"I did do that, but it wasn't actually a date. You even admitted that yourself." Lexa crossed her arms over her chest. 

"Okay, I'll admit that, but the aquarium and the nachos and the…" Clarke trailed off at the last thing, remembering how it ended. 

"I guess you're not wrong… I guess," Lexa poked Clarkes side.

"Clarke never asks anyone out to the first date," Raven finally piped up.

Clarke squinted at her friend. 

"It's true," Octavia defended the other girl. "You have never asked anyone, and I mean anyone, out to the first date. It's always been them." Octavia turned to Lexa. "Let me tell you all about Griffin, she is so beyond cocky and confident. She used to be a huge partier." Octavia leaned over Raven to get closer to Lexa. "We have stories if you ever want to hear them." She whispered a little too loudly. 

"I swear! Dont scare her off!" Clarke stood up and grabbed the plates and brought them to the kitchen. 

Raven smirked and leaned in towards Lexa, whispering against her ear, "We love Clarke and if you hurt her in any way I swear, I'll kick your ass so hard you'll taste it." 

Lexa nodded, "I get it. I'm protective of my family too." Lexa played with her small finger on her right hand and looked down. "I don't have any intentions to hurt her." Lexa looked up and leaned towards the two girls. "I kinda like her. I just wanted an art piece but I kinda like her more than just being a client."

"Obviously she likes you too? She asked you out on a date to her apartment, with intentions we clearly interrupted… oh my God Raven!" Octavia slapped the other girl's shoulder. "She was going to have sex with her! We have to go. Right now." She stood up and was about to head to the door when she felt a hand grip her wrist. 

"Sit, we already ruined it." Raven turned towards the TV. "How about something scary?" She flipped through Netflix. 

___

"I am so freaking sorry, Lexa," Clarke slammed the door behind her as her two best friends left. "Truth. What did they tell you?"

Lexa shrugged, "if I told you I'd have to kill you." She giggled and wiggled her brows. 

"Oh God, I hope it wasn't anything bad." Clarke groaned and leaned against the wall. 

"Not really," Lexa walked over to Clarke and leaned against the wall with her. She grabbed the blondes ring finger and small finger and gently squeezed. "They just said you planned on bending me over your kitchen counter tonight, it's why you invited me over."

"Oh did they now?" Clarke looked at the taller girl and smirked. "Is that something you'd want?" 

Lexa tensed and widened her eyes, "I-I mean maybe eventually. N-Not right now. It's too soon. I just barely kissed you!" Lexas grip grew tighter on the blondes fingers as her heart started to pound. 

"Lexa, I'm kidding," Clarke gently squeezed her two fingers. "I'm okay with waiting. Especially if you're a virgin." 

"Woah, okay. Truth I am not a virgin. But I have only been with one person." Lexa felt her cheeks grow warm. "You just kinda… make my cheeks turn red and my heart beat way too fast." 

"I do?" Clarke smirked widely. "Do I really?" Her smirk turned into a content smile. 

Lexa only nodded and averted her eyes. 

"Lexa?" 

"Hm..?" 

"Kiss me," Clarkes voice was husky. 

Lexa turned and leaned down, roughly pressing her lips into the blondes.

Clarke let out a small gasp when she felt teeth sink into her bottom lip. 

Lexa slowly pulled away with the blonde lip still in between her teeth. She smirked and let the blonde lip go. 

Clarke slowly opened her eyes, "I smudged your glasses with my nose."

Lexa just smiled and shrugged. 

"Truth," Clarke whispered against Lexas ear. "I always get my way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said before some of the stuff going on in this fic are based off my own personal experiences or other peoples that have given me permission to write about them just with a little twist to make it an actual story :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obligatory I typed everything on my phone. Tw panic attack

The day came.

A day Clarke had dreaded so much. 

She hadn't gotten out of bed.

She hasn't answered her phone.

Clarke knew she had several missed calls from her mom and from her friends. 

Lexa didn't know about this day.

Their messages after that strange date at Clarkes were entertaining. Mostly just the two of them telling truths about themselves while the other either called them out for bullshitting about or just sending each other memes. 

The messages ran on until midnight. 

It's only been two days since that date. 

Clarke hasnt checked her phone once. 

She doesn't plan on it anytime soon. 

All Clarke wants to do is drink and forget this day ever happened. 

She grabbed her phone and sent a message to Raven.

'Bring alcohol leave at door don't want to talk'

'What?'

Clarke squinted at the phone. She read the name that popped up.

Fuck. It was Lexa. 

'Wrong person sorry'  
'Talk to you later'

She quickly scrolled to Ravens name and typed out another message. 

'Bring alcohol please I dont really want to talk right now maybe later'

'Talk to me and I'll bring it' 

Raven's response was instant. 

Fuck. 

'Nvm then'

'Nah you don't get to do this'  
'I know what day it is'  
'I'll bring whatever but you gotta talk'

Clarke sighed and pulled her pillow over her head. She felt tears threatening to fall. 

She took in a deep breath and held it for a minute, willing herself to not cry. 

'Okay' 

Was all she said. Nothing else. She didn't even read the message Raven sent back. 

Clarke remembers her father's death well. Too well. 

It was the day she told him she got accepted into her dream art college. 

He was so proud and you could see it in his eyes. 

Clarke sniffled and squeezed her eyes shut. 

She pulled the blanket over the pillow on top of her head. She grabbed a fist full of blanket and pulled it up to her mouth. She gently bit on the corner of it as she finally let the tears fall. 

"I didn't even get to say goodbye," Clarke mumbled into the blanket. "I need you." She hiccupped against the blanket. 

There was a small, soft knock at the door and Clarke slowly got up. 

She wiped her eyes to the best of her ability and walked to the door, not caring how she looked to anyone. 

"Hey," Raven was on the other side. She lifted up two bags filled with different bottles. "You look shitty." 

Clarke let out a dry laugh and nodded. She took a step back to let her friend in.

"You're going to talk to me, right?" Raven turned around and faced Clarke. "Right?" She urged. 

"Yeah, I will. Just… please give me a minute." Clarke took a deep sigh and looked at her friend with tired eyes. 

"Has your mom called?" 

Clarke shook her head and walked to the kitchen. She grabbed two glasses and filled them with ice. 

She walked over to her friend and sat on the couch, "pour whatever in here. I want to just drown myself."

"You gotta talk to me first," Raven plopped down and grabbed a glass and started to fill it up. 

"Reyes, please."

"Nope, I told you. Talk." Raven took a long, slow sip from her glass. 

"Just let me fucking drink and drown myself in my sorrows!" Clarke snapped and grabbed the now opened bottle of whiskey. She filled her glass to the brim and downed the glass. 

"Jesus," Raven kept her eyes on the blonde. 

"Just let me drink." 

"Clarke, you said you'd talk," Raven grabbed the bottle and the bags and pulled them out of Clarkes reach. 

The blonds kept her eyes trained on the coffee table for a bit. She had her arms over her legs and she leaned forward. "I… I…" she sat there, unable to find the right words. "I miss him." She finally managed. 

Tears were slowly streaming down Clarkes face and she didn't bother to wipe them away as they dripped onto the floor, leaving little wet spots. 

"I never said goodbye to him, Raven! I got accepted into my dream college. I told him and showed him the paper." Clarke looked up and let the tears continue to fall down. "We were supposed to celebrate… then a drunk driver just-" She choked up and stopped talking. 

Raven grabbed her glass and filled it halfway up. She placed it on the coffee table near the blonde. 

Clarke grabbed the glass and drank half of it, "I'm scared of when my moms going to call." 

"What? Why?" 

"Where's O?" 

"She's at work. Aspiring doctor and all." Raven breathed out a small chuckle. 

Clarke just nodded and finished off her drink. She put it on the table close to Raven. 

"You're going to give yourself alcohol poisoning."

'Knock. Knock.'

"What the fuck?" Raven stood up.

"Oh shit," Clarke sighed and put her hand to her forehead. "I fucking forgot I accidentally messaged Lexa instead of you at first. Fuck I hope that's not her. Fuck me. What do I do?"

Raven shrugged, "Let me talk to her." 

Clarke nodded and didn't move. 

Raven opened the door just enough where she could stick her head out into the hallway. 

"Clarke I brought - oh Raven!" Lexa expected to see the blonde girl. "Is Clarke here?"

"Yeah she is. She's not feeling very well, though."

Lexa didn't say anything.

"What's in the bag?" Raven noticed the brunette holding a plastic bag. 

"Oh um some different drinks," Lexa held up the bag, indicating for Raven to take it. "For you and Clarke I guess." She gave a bittersweet smile before heading off. 

"Griff, she brought drinks. More for us." Raven smiled and put the bag down in between the two of them. "Do you think she has good taste?" 

Clarke just shrugged. 

"Want to watch a movie?" Raven leaned forward, forcing herself into Clarkes point of view. 

Clarke just sighed. 

'I don't want you here. I want to be alone. Please leave.' 

The blonde screamed in her head over and over again. 

"What do you want to eat?" Raven pulled out her phone. "I'll order whatever." 

"Yeah, listen, Raven… I'd really appreciate it if you left."

"What the fuck dude?"

"I'm being serious. I just really want to get wasted on my own." Clarke stood up and pointed towards the door. "Please?"

"Fuck no. I'll stay here for the next week if I have to." Raven was upset. "Sit the fuck down. We're getting breakfast foods." 

"Raven. I want you to leave. I'm not hungry."

"Fuck you Clarke."

"What?" Clarke turned towards her friend with anger in her eyes. "What the fuck did you say?"

"You sit your ass down and watch a fucking movie and eat some fucking food. Understand?" 

"I'm not hungry. I want you to leave, Raven." Clarkes jaw was clenched. She could feel her blood starting to boil. 

"Sit down. Talk to me." Raven took a step towards the blonde. "If you fucking dont I'll make you. Remember how you said you were going to talk? Spill it, Griffin." 

"Don't get in my face," Clarke warned as she stood up straighter. 

"Or what?" Raven teased and took another step, bringing her face inches from Clarkes. "What are you going to do blondie?"

Clarkes jaw clenched and she felt herself tense up. She took in a deep breath and opened her mouth only to close or again. "Fine. I'll talk." Clarke kept her voice calm even though she was boiling inside. "What do you want to talk about?" 

Raven blinked. She sat down next to Clarke. "I'm ordering us food. Talk about what you're feeling."

"I'm fucking pissed!" Clarke shouted. "Im so fucking angry that you're here and you wont leave. I'm depressed, Raven! I hate my stupid, pathetic fucking life. I have nothing going on! I fucking…" Clarke trailed off. She took in a very shaky breath before looking at her friend. "I hate myself and I blame myself for everything bad that's ever happened in my life." 

"Clarke that's not something you could control," Raven wrapped an arm around the other girl's shoulder. "You didn't know what was going to happen. You couldn't have." 

"I'm just glad the guy is in prison for the rest of his life," Clarke sniffled and leaned against her friend. "I don't want my mom to call me during this. I feel shitty enough." 

"I know… if she does I'll tell her to 'fuck off' okay?" 

Clarke let out a dry laugh and nodded, "Thanks." 

The two girls sat like that for what felt like an hour before Raven had to let go because of the uncomfortable position. 

They both sat back against the couch and put on some movie that neither paid much attention to.

Instead both girls talked about their childhood when they first became friends and stories about the three of them. 

"Remember when Octavia tripped so hard when running to the sandbox that she tripped and literally got a mouthful of sand!" Raven was laughing. 

Clarke snorted and nodded, "A-And she wanted to be cool so she freaking swallowed it?"

"Ugh don't remind me!" Raven grimaced. "I wish she was here for this." 

"Me too, maybe another time?" 

Raven nodded and grabbed Clarke's hand. She squeezed it gently and stood up. "I hate to do this to you but I have to go." 

"Aw, okay," Clarke got up and hugged her friend tightly. "Thank you, Reyes."

"Just remember; we're here for you." Raven pulled back and looked Clarke in the eyes. "Got it?" 

Clarke simply nodded.

"Good."

Raven walked to the door and opened it, seeing a white paper sack. "Oh shit I forgot we ordered food!" She picked up the bag and put it on the coffee table. "Maybe it's still good?" She shrugged. "Bye Griff!" She waved and closed the door, leaving Clarke alone with her thoughts.

Clarke took in a shaky breath and looked at her phone. The smell of food gently wafted into her nostrils. 

Her stomach growled. 

Clarke ignored it and scrolled through her messages and landed on a name. 

She read the messages. 

'Are you okay? Raven said you didn't feel good'

She read the line over and over again. 

"No, but I want you over," Clarkes face was blank as she typed out a message. 

She checked the time.

One in the morning.

The blonde wasn't expecting a response, especially this late. 

'Ping'

She was surprised she got a message back so soon. Or at all. 

Clarke read the words over and over again.

'I'm on my way!'

It was simple. 

She was on her way. 

Clarke finally broke a smile.

___

"Hey sorry, I came as fast as I could," Lexa said quietly. 

The brunette was wearing black leather pants, a black leather jacket, and she had a motorcycle helmet in her hand with leather gloves inside them. 

"Sorry it's so late," Clarke was just as quiet as the other girl. 

She stepped aside to let Lexa in. 

Clarke grabbed the helmet from the girls hand and gently set it down. 

"Careful, if you drop them too hard they're considered useless." 

Clarke rolled her eyes, "I figured." She smiled. 

Lexa shut the door behind her and turned around. She felt Clarke push her against the door and kiss her jaw. "Woah, Clarke."

"Mm..?" Clarke hummed against the girl. She trailed her kisses to the other girl's neck. She opened her mouth, lips slowly trailing against Lexas neck, and gently bit down.

"Ha- Clarke. W-Wait…" Lexa was struggling to talk at the sudden sensation. 

"Hm…?" Clarke hummed again and she slowly pulled away. "I want you, Lexa."

"I-I…" Lexa cleared her throat. "I… we shouldn't do this." 

"What?" Clarke took a step back. "Why not?" 

"Because you're clearly upset about something." 

"That's none of your business." 

"Clearly it is if you're involving me in this," Lexa raised her hands up. 

"I just wanted to feel something with you," Clarke turned around and walked over to the couch and sat down. "You can leave."

"What? I just got here. I thought we were going to hang out?" Lexa followed the girl and sar down. 

"I changed my mind," Clarke scooted over to the end of the couch and crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't want you here anymore."

"No what the fuck? Talk to me?" 

Clarke snapped her head towards the girl and stood up, "No, fuck you dude. You always play this goddamn truth game with me and you always ask about my personal life. Maybe I want to know about you. Truth, Lexa, who is the art piece for?"

Lexa stood up and faced the blonde, "This isn't about me right now." 

"I dont fucking care who its about. Truth, why are you even here?" 

"No, you talk to me. I'm not gonna do this truth game right now."

"Fuck you," Clarke put her finger on Lexas chest. "You never tell me anything about you. I can tell you two personal things about you. One you were a foster kid and two your sister was one of my clients. Tell me about you or leave." 

"Clarke-" 

"No! Tell me about you or fucking leave!" Clarke pushed her finger harder into Lexas chest forcing her to take a step back. "Tell me." Clarke took a step forward. 

Lexa took another step back, "I-I…" Lexa had panic in her eyes. "I can't do that not… not yet." 

"Then get the fuck out of my apartment and dont ever talk to me again." 

"Clarke you don't mean that."

"Dont fucking tell me what I mean and dont mean!" Clarke was past angry. She was past furious. She was mad at everyone.

"Why won't you just talk to me?" 

"Because I don't want to feel anything! I wanted to have a nice fuck from you just to take myself away from this place. That's all I fucking want from you!" Clarke regretted the last part. Especially after seeing the hurt creep into Lexas green eyes.

She wanted to take it back. She wanted to apologize and say that was a lie.

Clarke fucked up and she knew it. 

Her heart clenched as she kept her blue eyes focused on green. 

"Clarke," Lexa choked out. 

What the blonde wanted to do was say sorry. 

"I want you to leave." 

Lexa swallowed a lump that was forming in her throat. She nodded and walked to the door and grabbed her helmet. "I told you before, it's for my ex girlfriend. Costia. She died. I guess nevermind about the piece." Lexa opened the door and walked out. 

Clarke stood there, dumbfounded as she watched the girl leave not even bothering to follow.

Fuck. 

___

"Hey, you look like shit," John commented as Lexa walked into the building. "Couldn't sleep?" 

Lexa shook her head, "Something more… complicated." She grabbed her earbuds from her pocket and plugged them into her phone. "I'm going to just not talk to anyone and work. Sorry, Murphy." 

He nodded and watched the girl walk to the back of the building to start her work day. "Hey, I'll keep your helmet back here." 

Lexa nodded and handed him her helmet.

She cracked her fingers and grabbed a box of gloves from her toolbox. 

'Because I don't want to feel anything.' 

She repeated the words in her head. 

"Don't we all," Lexa mumbled. 

She looked at the car in front of her and started working on it.

Lexa put her knees on the bumper to get up higher to reach something in the back. 

She slowly slid her foot down and misstepped

"Oof!" Lexa landed on her butt. She sat there for a few minutes. 

"You okay?" One of the other tech asked. 

Lexa nodded, "yeah my foot just slipped. Thanks." She continued to sit there. 

'She hates me. I fucked up. I should have stayed.'

The thoughts were running through Lexas head. 

She felt her heart pounding in her chest and her breathing grow more shallow. 

'She hates me. I fucked up. I didnt mean to… jesus fuck it's like with costia all over again.' 

Lexa stood up and clenched her fist with her thumb tucked inside her fingers. 

'Breathe. Just. Don't panic. It's fine. You're okay.' 

She repeated to herself over and over again even if she felt like it was a lie. 

The brunette grabbed her phone and switched songs to something more fast paced. 

She started humming along to distract her mind and keep her nerves at ease. 

'You're fine. Just pretend you never met her.' 

Lexa went back to the car she was working on to distract herself. 

"Lexa?" John had been calling her a few times now.

She was gently headbanging and softly singing along. 

"Lexa!" John pulled one ear bud out of the brunette's ear. 

"What the fuck?" She jumped up and turned around. "What?" 

"You have a special request," John pointed in the direction of the front door. "It's lunch time." He had a small smile. 

"I'm skipping lunch today," she continued to work on the car. She walked to the side of the lift and started to bring the car up. 

"Why?" John talked over the noise of the lift. 

"I'm just not hungry," She shrugged and stopped the lift. 

"Want to talk about it?" 

"Not really," Lexa turned her flashlight on and looked under the car. 

"Lexa, what happened?" 

"Nothing."

"It's lunch, you and I are going to lunch," He grabbed the flashlight from Lexas hand and turned it off. He put it in his khaki pants and started walking out. 

"Hey!" Lexa chased after him. 

"So, sandwiches? My treat." He smiled and led them to his truck. 

"Yeah, thanks Murphy," Lexa kept her tone soft and emotionless. 

___

"I think I'm going to train tonight. It's been a while since I've been at the gym." Lexa took a bite of her sandwich. 

"You gonna tell me what's going on?" John opened his bag of chips and the top of his sandwich and he placed some chips inside the sub. 

"Not really." 

"You look like shit, dude just talk to me." 

Lexa sighed deeply, "She hates me. Well at least I'm pretty sure. She just hit me up for a booty call?" 

"What?"

"Sorry, let me explain more," Lexa took a sip of her water and wiped her hands on a napkin. "So yesterday afternoonish, Clarke messaged me but I think it was originally for someone else."

"Yeah?" John nodded along to the story. 

"So, I messaged her back and got no response. Basically she wanted a shitload of alcohol." 

"Okay. What for?" 

Lexa shrugs, "I have no idea. Anyways I went by and one of her friends, Raven, was there. She told me to leave and I did. Oh, forgot to mention that I did buy a lot of drinks for us to share. At least I thought we were going to share, I don't know."

"Okay but that doesn't explain why you're so tired?" 

"I'm getting there," Lexa took another drink of her water. "So about one in the morning she messaged me and asked if I wanted to go over. Clearly I like her and I thought she did too, like heavy emphasis on thought, and I brought my bike just because… I guess I wanted to show it off."

"Of course you did," John smiled and took a bite of his sandwich.

Lexa rolled her eyes, "well shit got heated on her half. I mean I wanted to. I would have, but she wasn't in the right mental state. I didn't want to take advantage of her. I told her no and she got really upset. She kinda called me out on some shit and then told me to leave and never come back. So I did… I left and I just drove around until I had to come to work."

John nodded, "Why were you awake at one?" 

"Shut up," Lexa let out a small laugh. She sounded happier. "I just… I don't know. I guess I got myself hurt." Lexa looked at her sandwich and started picking at the bread. "I should have known. You were right."

"Wait, what was that?" John wiped his mouth with his napkin. "Can you repeat that last part?" 

"You were right, I got myself hurt." 

"I told you," Hr smiled triumphantly. "I'm kidding. I thought you two were going to be good together. Everyone has shit they're going through, maybe shell message you again."

"What shit are you going through?" 

"Nothing. These last few weeks have been pretty boring for me. I'm living vicariously through you." He smiled sweetly at his friend. 

"Uh-huh… whatever you say," Lexa smiled at the gesture. "Really though, you okay?"

"I'm being serious. Everything has been boring in Murphy land." He chuckled. "Other than getting my ass kicked in Tarkov I've been bored." 

"Oh! I forgot we were playing that!"

"Yeah dude. Tonight? Get our asses kicked together?" 

"I'm down," Lexa pulled out her phone and checked the time. "We gotta head back." 

___

'Ray I think I fucked up'  
'Omg I fucked up so bad'  
'Call me when you can't  
'Please'  
'O is still at work and said she's busy'

Clarke sent one message after another to her friend. 

She felt her chest constrict. 

"She hates me. She fucking hates me. I should have messaged her." Clarke was pacing her apartment. She brought her fingers up to her lips before catching herself and lowering her hand. 

Her phone started buzzing and she looked at the name that popped up. 

It was her mom calling.

Fuck.

"Hello?" Clarke tenderly answered, bracing herself. 

"Hey honey," Abby sounded happy. "Are you busy right now?" 

"Um… kinda? I-I'm waiting for friends."

"You sound nervous," Abby stated matter of factly. 

"A little bit. We're just having a get together and I want it to go well." Clarke lied. 

"Listen, I called because I know yesterday was your father's death anniversary."

Clarke tensed up. She braced herself for anything harsh her mom was going to say. She sat down on the couch and looked up, tears welling up in her eyes. 

"Yeah. It was." 

"I miss him, honey," Abby sniffled on the other end. "Listen, I know I haven't been the best and I know I won't be the best in the future, but I love you. I'm going to try to change how I've been treating you." 

Clarke let the tears fall freely. 

"You still there?" Abby said after a few minutes. 

"Yeah," Clarkes response was short. "Mom I fucked something up." 

"What is it? What's wrong?" There was genuine concern in Abby's voice. 

"I…" Clarke didn't know where to start. 

She wanted to tell her mom how she felt. How depressed she was. 

How much she wanted to give up.

That she just wanted to be alone. 

She didn't want anyone to talk to her or see her again. 

She just didn't want to exist. 

Clarke took in a deep breath, "It's nothing. I just got drunk last night and said something really horrible to Raven and Octavia." Clarke lied again. 

'I guess I'm a liar now.'

"Hey, I have to go. They're here now so I have to go. Sorry mom."

"That's okay. I love you." 

"Yeah," Clarke breathed. "You too." She quickly hung up the phone. 

'Reyes'  
'Please' 

Her phone started buzzing again and she saw a number she recognized but didn't have saved. 

"Hello?"

"Clarke, it's Murphy," He sounded concerned. 

"Oh shit. Hi."

"Are you okay? You should like you're on the verge of a panic attack."

"Honestly, no," Clarke let out a bitter laugh. "I feel like I'm about to have one" 

"You want to talk about it?" Murphy shifted in his apartment, accidentally knocking something off the shelf. 

"Not really, but is Lexa okay?" 

"I called you to ask about that." His tone was blank. 

"Fuck me. I fucked up, John." Clarke started pacing her apartment again. She brought her fingers up and opened her mouth, bordering breaking a habit. Clarke popped her jaw and lowered her hand. "I told her I didn't want to see her anymore." 

"So she's not there with you?" 

Clarkes eyes widened with panic, "No! Fuck where could she-" 

Clarke stopped. 

She knew exactly where Lexa was. 

"I know where to find her, but I need to get in contact with my friends first so I can calm down a little bit myself."

"She hasn't slept and I'm a little worried you haven't either." 

"She hasn't?" 

"Why are you so worried about her? You two just met." John took a deep breath. "Look, I warned her about this. I probably shouldn't tell you this but her ex girlfriend died in a car crash." 

Clarke nodded, "My dad died from a drunk driver."

"Ah, you understand then," John let out a sigh. "It's who her painting is supposed to be for. Costia was her first love. She told herself she wouldn't love anyone else." 

"I don't love her, John."

"I know, but I believe you can if you let her in. She's a tough cookie but she'll eventually let you in if you keep poking your way through." John rubbed his temple with his free hand. 

"I don't know if I can let her in," Clarke said, monotonous.

"Then tell her." 

"I-I've gotta go. I'll… I gotta go." Clarke hung up the phone without waiting for any response. 

'Reyes!!' 

'Fuck clarke what happened?' 

Raven responded back seconds after Clarke sent her last message. 

'Can you come over please right now?'

'Fuck dude yeah I'm on my way you have plenty of alcohol right?'

'Yeah we can order food or some shit please just I need someone to talk to'

'Be there in 5'

___

Lexa looked over the city. She dangled her feet over the edge of the cliff. 

She looked down.

"That's far."

She felt her phone buzz in her pocket for what felt like the millionth time that night. 

Every single time she just ignored it.

She knew who it was. 

John freaking Murphy. 

Her best friend. 

The guy who's always there when she needs it. No matter how many times she tries to reciprocate it he just shrugs her off and makes up some bullshit. 

But she knows him. 

She's been friends with him since her first foster home.

Her case worker always gave the other one the new address so they could write letters to each other. 

He was the first person to know about her first kiss and she was the first to know about his.

He never cared that it was with a girl. He claims he always suspected it.

Lexa laid down on the dirt and let her feet continue to hang freely. 

"I hate everything!" She shouted at the top of her lungs and listened to the echo. 

Lexa was surprised her friend didn't come get her yet. 

"Maybe he's tired of me." Lexa grimaced at the thought. "You know what? It's probably true. He's probably tired of me." 

Lexa felt her phone buzzing again. 

This time she looked at who was calling. 

She flinched slightly when she saw Clarkes name pop up.

She put her phone back in her pocket and walked over to her bike and lifted the storage compartment in the back. 

"I got my gym clothes… good," She noted as she held the contents up.

___

Lexa looked up at the bright lights of the building and smiled. She walked into the place and saw several people were already on several punching bags and some free weights. Lexa walked into the bathroom to quickly change before putting the rest of her stuff in her locker. 

She walked over to the extra mate and started stretching. 

"Lexa!" An older man with darker hair came over to her. 

"Hey, Kane," she put on a fake, tight smile for the man. 

"It's been a little while," He stood next to her as she stretched. 

"Yeah, it's been a little bit. I'm trying to get in the octagon tonight." She stood up next to Kane. 

"That should be possible," He smiled at her. "There should be a few people at your level."

Lexa nodded, determined to take some anger out while fighting. 

"You okay there?" 

"What? Yeah I'm fine. Just a little restless is all." She smiled at him. 

"You seem tense. I don't want anything bad happening in there. If you're too pent up in there I'm not letting you in." Kane put a hand on Lexas shoulder. 

"I'm not. I just. I guess I'm going through some shit and its stuff I don't really want to talk about is all." Lexa shrugged and kept her tone calm. 

"Lexa, remember what happened last time?" His tone was stern. It made Lexa feel like she was a kid. 

"I'm not going to hurt anyone. I promise. We have padding in for practice anyway." She gave him a look. 

He looked into her green eyes before slowly nodding, "Okay. I'm going to interfere though if it's getting bad. Don't let it get bad." He patted her in the back. "Go warm up." 

Lexa felt her fists clench and she nodded. She put her mat away and started going through a series of different warm up exercises. 

"They're ready," Kane came walking over. "Suit up." 

Lexa nodded and walked over to the extra protective gear they have. She put on the rubber helmet and the small rubber gloves and pulled them tight. She walked to her locker and grabbed her mouth guard and put it on. 

Slowly, Lexa walked into the octagon. She stretched her arms and legs while waiting for her opponent. 

Kane walked in with a girl about her height. 

They walked up to the center, with the older man in between, and fist bumped. 

'This is going to be way too easy.'

Lexa smirked. 

They walked to the opposite sides and waited for Kanes call. 

The second he said they could go Lexa charged in. 

"Lexa!"

Lexa tensed up.

She shook her head and focused back on the other girl, dodging a fist that was coming up to the right.

Lexa took a step back getting ready to retaliate. 

"Lexa!" 

She froze. 

She knew that voice. 

Lexa shook her head and tried to focus once more on the advancing girl. 

"Lexa what are you doing?" 

She heard Kane's voice. 

'What am I doing?' 

Lexa stopped the other girl from another attack. 

She swung her leg out forcing the other girl to land on her butt. 

The other girl quickly got back up and tried to get Lexa in the jaw.

Lexa blocked the girls hand and was getting ready to swing. 

"Lexa! Can we talk?"

That forced Lexa to look down. She froze. 

"Please? Murphy said you'd be here." 

There was a sudden splitting pain in the side of Lexas head as the girl had clipped her.

Lexa took a step back and shook her head, trying to regain herself. 

She felt another sharp pain on her side as a fist connected with her body. 

"Oof," She let out and the girl gave her a slight apologetic look. 

'Fucking ignore it. Ignore her. You're better than this. Kick her ass.'

She stood up straight then slowly got into stance. 

Lexa was hungry for blood. 

She took two large steps and went at the girl. She swung her fist and smiled as it connected with the girl's side.

Lexa swung her other fist and hit the girl in the jaw.

She could feel her anger slowly disappear for every swing and blow she landed. 

It didn't take long for Kane to stop the fight, declaring Lexa victor. 

She pulled off her helmet and held her hand out for the girl, "Sorry." She apologized. 

"Don't be," The girl took Lexas hand. "You're a legend around her. I'm just shocked I got two decent hits in." 

Lexa rolled her eyes at the compliment, "Keep training. You're doing good."

The girl beamed and walked off. 

"Lexa?" Kane pointed behind him. "A girl wants to talk to you."

"I don't want to talk to her," Lexa was irritated. She started taking off her gloves and helmet.

"Well I'll go let her know," the older man walked over to the blonde and let her inside. He closed the door behind him and locked it.

"What the fuck?" Lexa realized what he did. She walked past Clarke and went to the gate and started shaking it. "Are you fucking for real?"

"Talk to her. It's good for you. I'll be back in five!" 

"Fuck!" Lexa hit her fist against the gate. 

"Lexa?" 

"Clarke I really dont want to talk." 

"Murphy told me you'd be here."

"I wish he didn't."

"You weren't at the cliff?" 

"I was there."

"Lexa-"

"Clarke."

Clarke hated the way she felt when Lexa said her name. She hated the weighted feeling on her chest when she heard the tone of the girls voice. 

She hated how guilty she felt. 

"I didn't mean what I said."

"Clarke, you were drunk. Drunk words are honest feelings." Lexa finally glanced up at Clarke for a split second. 

All Clarke saw in that moment was hurt in green eyes. 

She did this to Lexa. 

She made this girl feel like this.

'I did this.'

Clarke repeated to herself. 

"I was but I was mad too. You don't mean what you say when you're angry, right? That's why you never go to bed mad." Clarke smiled hopeful for a reaction. 

"Clarke, I don't want to talk." 

"Lexa, please."

Lexa stood up and threw her hands in the air, "No. I'm trying to respect what you want. I don't want the goddamn art piece anymore. I don't want any of it." Lexa started pacing. "I hate that anytime you say my name I get this warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach. I hate that when I see you I get excited and my heart skips a little beat. I hate that I can drown myself in the blues of your eyes." Lexa turned towards the blonde. "I hate that I'm falling for you and I don't want it to happen if you just want to use me as a… a quick fuck to keep yourself from feeling shit." Lexa sat down at the opposite side with loud plop. 

"That's not what you are," Clarke said quietly, but loud enough for Lexa to hear. 

"Then don't fucking act like I am when I come to you late at night. Treat me like a goddamn person." Lexa focused her eyes on her feet. 

"Then why don't you talk to me too? I talk. You know what? Truth. You're scared to let people in, Lexa." Clarke stood up and walked over to the girl. "You're scared to show how you really feel and when someone tries to show you, you panic. You don't trust anybody. You can't stand people. You wish everyone would leave you alone so you could isolate yourself away from everything. It's why you barely do anything with Murphy anymore."

"Not everyone," Lexa stood up and kept her eyes on the blonde. "Not you." 

Clarke was taken aback. 

She took a step back. 

"I'm not good with expressing things. Not since Costia died." 

"Lexa…"

"No, Clarke. You're right. I want you to leave." Lexa kept her voice even and looked at the ground. 

Clarke put her hands on the sides of Lexa's face and forced the brunette to look at her. 

Lexa kept her eyes down even though her face was even with Clarkes. 

"Lexa, look at me."

Lexa took a deep breath and held it as she brought her green eyes up to Clarkes blue eyes. 

"Talk to me." 

Lexa slowly let her breath out, "Truth. I don't want anything to do with you anymore." She regretted it the second she said it. 

"You're lying," Clarke felt a pang in her chest. "After what you told me. You're lying. Fucking be honest." She let her hands fall to her sides. 

"I… I…" Lexa stumbled over her words. 

"Tell me you want me to stay. Tell me how you really feel, Lexa." 

Lexa felt her heart skip a few beats at her name coming from the blonde. 

She opened her mouth and closed it.

"Tell me the truth," Clarke tried again. 

"I want you…" Lexa finally managed. She took a step forward and placed her forehead against Clarkes and closed her eyes. "... to leave." 

Clarke let out a strangled breath. She stepped away from the brunette and shook her head. "No." 

"Clarke, please. You fucking need to leave me alone. I-I at least need time to think." Lexa felt her hands getting sweaty. 

"About what?!" Clarke was getting angry. "About fucking what?" She took a step forward and put her finger on Lexa's chest. 

"I don't want to do this." 

"You're a fucking coward." 

"Don't, Clarke."

"Why it's true? I'm standing by with what I said in my apartment. You don't let anyone in. You're afraid to let anyone in. You fucking sit here and ask to play this truth and question game so I do but you only tell me about being in a foster home. But you expect me to tell you all about my life?" Clarke started pacing and she ran a hand through her hair. 

"Clarke I-" Lexa couldn't breathe. She was growing warm. "Clarke, I…" she tried to choke out. 

Her fingers were trembling and she could feel her body start to shake. 

Lexa took in a deep breath, not quite able to fill her body up with air, and slowly sank to the ground. She crawled up to the gate and held her knees to her chest, trying to catch her breath. 

"Lexa?" Clarke crouched down.

Lexa shook her head furiously as tears threatened to fall. 

"Lexa, talk to me," The blonde urged.

Lexa shook her head and opened her mouth. She started breathing heavier. 

"What's going on?" Kane suddenly bursted into the octagon. He walked over to Lexa and Clarke. "What happened?" 

"I don't know. We were arguing and then she… stopped?" Clarke reached her hand out to try to touch Lexa.

"Don't touch me!" Lexa managed out and pulled her legs further into her body. 

"What's going on?" Clarke pulled her hand back towards herself. 

"Leave," Lexa breathed out, still trying to catch her breath. 

"What? No. Why?" 

"Please…" 

"Lexa." 

"Clarke I want you to fucking leave," Lexa snapped at the blonde. 

Clarke stood up, feeling dejected, "Let me help. Talk to me."

"I think you should leave, Clarke," Kane stayed by Lexa as he spoke. "I really think you should. Talk to her later."

Clarke swallowed a lump forming in her throat. "Can you at least tell me what's going on?"

"She's having a goddamn panic attack." 

"What?"

"Listen, Clarke. There's a lot you two clearly don't know about each other. Just…" Kane trailed off and took in a deep breath. "Just talk to her later, okay? I know she's going to want to. It's who she is."

Clarke nodded and didn't say anything. She kept swallowing trying to get rid of the lump in her throat. 

She walked out, still able to hear Lexa trying to her control of her breathing.

She quickly got into her car and drove back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This honestly took me so long to write so if theres any major inaccuracies let me know :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obligatory I typed it all on my phone. Tw drug mention

Clarke stood in front of a door and waited. She had knocked a few seconds ago. 

There was shuffling from the other side and the door slowly opened.

"Is Lexa here?" 

John stood there and rubbed the back of his head, "No. I haven't spoken to her in a few days." 

"Fuck." 

"Give her time. This is what she does."

"She hasn't been at work?" Clarke was worried. Her heart picked up its pace as she continued their conversation. 

"Give her time."

"I need to fucking talk to her."

John sighed and shook his head, "She has a tattoo appointment today. She's getting it done."

"Where?" Clarke demanded. 

"I am not telling you that. It's her time. And if something happens it could ruin the tattoo." 

"Just fucking tell me!"

John stuck his hands up, "I'm not here to be the bad guy. Her and I have done a lot of talking these last few days. Holidays are coming up soon." He put his hands back at his sides. "Give her a moment, okay?"

"I just… I need to talk to her. I don't want her to hate me." Clarke ran a hand through her hair. 

"Go home. I'll tell her you came by looking for her." 

Clarke nodded and turned around without a goodbye or a thank you.

Her mind was foggy. 

She got into her car and turned it on, the radio coming to life as she drove off. 

"Quality time is clearly an act of love," The talk show host was going on. "Who doesn't love quality time with someone they care about? We all do! It's why we choose our partners and friends. You enjoy quality time with those people. You almost… crave it in a sense." 

"Fuck you!" Clarke yelled at the radio. "You're fucking wrong." She turned the volume down. 

Clarke pulled up at her studio and quickly got out of her car. She headed inside and grabbed the canvas that had writing on it and put it on the wooden stand before slowly getting to work. 

___

Lexas phone was buzzing. 

That's all it did now. 

She never answered phone calls or text messages besides when she told her boss she wasn't going to be coming in for a few weeks. 

She had barely moved from the spot on her bed.

Sometimes she would go to the couch and watch TV. 

Murphy came over a few times. She never answered the door to let him in. 

He kept calling too. 

This was the longest she'd ever ignored someone. Longer than the day Costia had died.

Lexa felt defeated. She felt worse than she had ever felt in her life. 

Lexa checked her phone to read the several messages from her best friend and from Clarke. 

'Hey where are you?'   
'Can we talk'  
'Lexa please' 

Were the general messages from Clarke. 

'She came by asking for you'  
'I told her you were getting a tattoo so maybe you should get one incase you ever do see her again'

Those were the latest messages from John. 

Lexa sighed and put her phone face down on her bed. 

She just wanted to hide from everything and from everyone. 

'Ping.'

Lexa checked her phone and saw a message from Clarke. 

'Truth you'll talk to me one day?'

Lexa almost smiled, almost. 

She wanted to message her back and say, "That counts as a question. I'm back at four." That's what she wanted to do. 

What she did was ignore it. 

Lexa felt her stomach growl. 

Fuck. 

"You know what?" Lexa sat up suddenly. "I don't even know her." Lexa got out of bed with a new sense of determination. She grabbed her phone and ordered herself a sandwich before hopping into the shower. 

Once she got out she grabbed her phone and noticed her food was almost there. She smiled to herself and quickly sent a text. 

'You know where to meet me but meet me at 10'  
'We're talking on my terms'

She got a response back, well several messages back, but she didn't check her phone. 

Instead, Lexa waited. 

___

"Do you want us to go with you?"

"No, I'm good. Thanks Raven." Clarke put a little sandwich baggie in her pocket. 

"You sure that's enough?" 

Clarke shrugged and checked the time, "I have no idea." 

Raven held out another small bag, "Take these too, you might need them." 

"I'm bringing some whiskey too," Clarke grabbed the bag from Ravens hand and shoved it into her pocket. "I don't think we'll be getting drunk there but I'm hoping we'll go to her place… or mine." 

"Clarke you guys really don't know each other that well."

"I know, Reyes. I know. But I want to. I want to sit here and talk with her about everything. I want to learn about her bad habits and what foods she doesn't like. I want to learn her favorite type of pizza or if she likes onions on her sandwiches or… what." Clarke had a glimmer in her eye. "I want to learn everything about her." 

Raven nodded, "Don't get yourself hurt." 

"I already am." 

___

Lexa heard the crunching of tires over dirt. She turned around and saw the soft glow of headlights approaching and turned back to the city. 

"Hey," Clarke breathed out as she got out of her car. "Lexa?" 

"Hi." 

"You wanted to see me here?" 

"Well yeah," Lexa smiled at the blonde. "I still have four questions, right?"

Clarke raised a brow in confusion, "What?" 

"With our little game."

"Oh!" Clarke nodded. "Yeah you do. But I thought we were playing that truth game?" 

"Yeah we are but since you don't have any I thought it'd be fair." Lexa shrugged. 

Clarke only nodded and leaned against Lexas car. 

"Why don't you believe in love?" 

"Why do you believe in it?" Clarke quickly countered, defensive. 

"Clarke."

"Lexa."

"Don't do this!" Lexa turned towards the blonde. "Don't deter from this. I'm trying to get to know you better. I want us to keep going, whether it's a friendship or more, Clarke. Don't do this." 

"I… met this guy who I thought was the love of my life." Clarke started. She pulled out the sandwich baggie from her pocket and handed it to Lexa. 

The contents were three rolled joints, a pipe, and some flower. 

Clarke pulled the other bag out and handed the brownies to Lexa, "Pick your poison. Edibles or joint?" 

Lexa tenderly took out one of the joints, "I don't have a lighter." 

"That's fine," Clarke pulled a lighter out of her pocket and handed it to Lexa. "This guy I was with. I was with him since I was, like, eighteen. I thought he was the love of my life." Clarke took the joint from Lexa and took a big drag and held it in before slowly letting the potent smoke out. "We got engaged three years later. I was so into this guy."

"What was his name?" 

"Finn," Clarke ran a hand through her hair. "Turns out he was such a dick. Apparently he was cheating on me almost the entire relationship. Since then I swore I would always hate life."

"Damn that's deep," Lexa looked at the girl. "What kind of weed is this? Its fucking strong." Lexa was staring intently at Clarke. "I bet your hair is soft." 

Clarke laughed, "You bet your sweet ass it is." She took another hit. "I don't know what it is. Raven gave it to me." 

"Why do I feel like this is going to be the strongest shit I've ever had?" Lexa started running her fingers over her face. "I feel my fingers." 

"Alright you stoner," Clarke pokes Lexa in the forehead and smiles. "Why do you want love so much?" 

"I never said I wanted it," Lexa paused. "Man this is a bad time to have a deep conversation. Look at the city! It's so pretty. I just want to live there."

"You do live there."

"Right…" Lexa shook her head. "Anyways. I never said I wanted it. I just think it's something everyone should believe in. You might not have a soulmate, but you have friends. Everyone loves someone or something."

"Tell me about Costia." 

"Oh, Miss Clarke Griffin. That is not how our little game works." Lexa gently poked Clarkes nose. "God you are so pretty. What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?" 

"Getting real deep now!" Clarke smiled. "I thought we were here to have an actual conversation?" 

"Well, duh," Lexa rolled her eyes. "You got me high!"

"You willingly took it!"

"Yeah you right," Lexa nodded. "I don't think I've ever had something this strong before. I'm scared of the edibles."

"DUDE! Me too!" Clarke stuck her hand up waiting for a high five. 

Lexa slapped the blonde's hand with a loud pop. 

"This is nice." 

"Lil bit," Lexa stretched her arms over her head. "So… weirdest place you've ever had sex?" 

"Church parking lot."

Lexa snorted, "What?" 

"Yeah. I'm being serious." Clarke kept her tone cool as she smirked. "What about you?" 

"Oh no, you can't counter my question with the same question. It's in the rules." Lexa was still laughing. 

"Since when?"

"Since now." 

"Okay then truth. Weirdest spot you've had sex?" 

"Movie theater."

"What?!" Clarke bursted out laughing. "How is that possible? That's gross!" 

Lexa started laughing along with Clarke, "It was my first job. No one was in the theater and Cos- my first girlfriend came to visit me for lunch." 

"That's still so gross," Clarke wiped her eyes. 

"It really is," Lexa had a bright smile on her face and looked at the blonde. "Are you depressed?" 

"What kind of question is that?" 

Lexa shrugged, "It's good to talk about feelings, Clarke." 

"Are you?" 

"Hey, I'm the one with the questions left," Lexa play pushed Clarkes shoulder. 

"I am, a little bit anyway, and I think it has to do with finding out Finn was cheating on me. Why are you depressed?" 

"I dont think I'm depressed, Clarke. I think I have a lot of other issues. I don't even know what to call them. Mostly because I don't like feeling things so when something sets me off sometimes it all comes pouring out and I feel everything at once. Sometimes I shut down and don't let anyone." 

"That's a lot."

"Is it too much for you?" Lexa looked at the bright city below them and kept her eyes. 

"Probably," Clarke shrugged. "I'm not here to fix you."

Lexa nodded and reached for Clarkes fingers. She felt her heart starting to speed up. "I'm not expecting you to."

"Why do you do that?" Clarke looked down at their hands. "The thing where you grab my fingers?"

"It's how I keep myself grounded." Lexa let go of the girl's fingers. She rubbed the back of her neck feeling embarrassed. "Sorry I wont do it again." 

"No, I'm not saying don't do it," Clarke put her hand on the other girl's shoulder. "I'm sorry I didn't mean dont do it." 

"It's weird. I don't know. I just started doing it one day to things I had around and it kept me from feeling like I was going to just… float away, I guess." Lexa shrugged the girls hand off her shoulder. "I dont know. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

Lexa nodded and swallowed.

"Why do you feel like you're going to float away?" 

"I dont know?" 

"That's such a lie."

"You're starting to sound like a therapist," Lexa let out a dry laugh. 

"Then tell me," Clarke grabbed Lexas hand and held it tightly. "Tell me." 

"I… I don't want you to feel like you have to be there or force you to be there for me. I want… never mind. Let's talk about something else." Lexa turned her face towards Clarke.

Clarke nodded and let go of Lexas hand. "Do you want to get drunk?" She paused and looked at Lexas car. "Wait, you know what teach me to drive a manual?"

Lexas eyes widened, slight relief brushing over her as the subject changed. "Right now? Not in this car. Maybe in my integra?" 

"No. Teach me now." Clarke wiggled her brows. "What if I'm in a situation where I have to drive this car to bring you to a hospital or something." 

"We should do it in a parking lot."

"Well let's go!" Clarke opened the passenger side door. "What about your car?" 

"We can get it later," Clarke shrugged and sat inside. 

Lexa swallowed and hesitated before she got into the car. 

___

"Okay… no… clarke you keep… stop lifting your left foot up!" 

"I don't understand! I swear I'm not that high." 

Lexa rolled her eyes and put the car in neutral, "okay let's try from step one again. For the hundredth time." Lexa sighed. "Put your left foot all the way down on the clutch, it's the third pedal." 

Clarke nodded and did what she was told. 

"Okay now your other one on the brake. Okay good, now put it in first gear." Lexa instructed as the blonde simply followed. "Now slowly lift up off the clutch, but as you do slowly put your foot on the gas."

Clarke nodded and tried to do what she was told but she let go of the clutch too fast and the car jerked forward.

"My poor clutch," Lexa smelled a slight burning sensation. 

"I'm so sorry!" Clarke giggled. 

Lexa sighed, "Don't let go so fast this time. Your leg will feel weird because you're not used to it but just ignore it." 

Clarke nodded and focused on the instructions.

"Okay now slowly let up on the clutch… good now gently press the gas." 

The car started to move forward and Clarke turned her head and smiled, "I'm doing it!" 

Lexa smiled widely and nodded, "You are! Okay now slowly speed up, when you hear the car making a ringing noise step on the clutch all the way and change gears." 

Clarke nodded and did what she was told. 

"Good! The hardest part is first gear." 

Clarke was giggling at her new skill, "Fuck now i can show off to Raven!" 

"If you go all the way to fifth gear, please dont while we're in this parking lot, you can take your foot off the clutch." Lexa pointed to something on the steering wheel. "It even has cruise control." 

"That's badass. My car doesn't have that." 

"We should go get your car." 

"Can I drive us there? No ones on the road and it's damn near midnight." Clarke pointed to the clock. 

Lexa nodded, "Yeah." 

"Do you want to drink?" Clarke suddenly spoke up as she pulled onto the main road.

"What?" 

"I brought a lot of alcohol, in my car I brought incase one of us needed to drink," Clarke shrugged casually. "We can go to your place and… well, drink."

"What about your car?"

"You can drive it!" Clarke was excited. "I want to keep learning to drive this baby." She patted the dash. 

"But this is my car."

"Wow you don't have to sound so sad." 

"I love my car." 

"I'm sure it's your child," Clarke smirked. "We can drive our own cars." 

"Okay!" Lexa smiled. 

___

"So this is where you live," Clarke got out of her car and walked up next to Lexa.

Lexa nodded suddenly feeling nervous and embarrassed. She started to reach for Clarkes hand before stopping herself. 

"Lexa, it's okay," Clarke held out her ring and small finger for the brunette to grab. 

Lexa nodded and grabbed Clarke's hand. 

With her other hand, Clarke grabbed the bag with the bottles of whiskey, "Do you still have the pot?" 

Lexa nodded and felt her pocket to double check, "So I wasn't expecting to have anyone over but my apartment is kind of… a giant mess?" 

"Lexa, messy?" Clarke scoffed. "I doubt it. You keep your bike and car pristine." 

"Yeah not my apartment." 

Clarke shrugged, "Oh well." 

Lexa felt her heart start pounding faster and she squeezed Clarkes fingers a few times.

"You okay?" Clarke noticed the sensation. 

Lexa nodded and took in a shaky breath, afraid to speak.

They slowly made their way to Lexas apartment. 

When Lexa opened the door Clarke smirked. 

"You weren't lying, it is kinda messy," The blonde pointed to the shoes scattered around the entryway floor. 

"I told you," Lexa took off her shoes and kicked them to the side. "Do you mind taking yours off too?" 

"Oh, yeah," Clarke took her shoes off and neatly put them to the side. "Are you always this messy?"

"Not really," Lexa shrugged and walked into the apartment.

Clarke looked around and noticed the very clean main area. "So you just keep your shoes a giant mess?"

Lexa let out a small laugh and nodded, "I gave up on those. I tried but I always ended up making a mess trying to pull a pair out."

"The rest of your place is freaking spotles," Clarke noted as she walked over to the dark green couch. "Join me?" Clarke patted the spot next to her.

Lexa nodded and swallowed hard as she made the short walk to Clarke. 

Clarke smiled and leaned close to Lexa forcing their lips to almost touch. 

Lexa opened her mouth in a short gasp of surprise. 

"You want me to, don't you?"

"I want you to do more than kiss me, Clarke."

"Why don't you show me what you want me to do, then?" 

"I-I…" Lexa felt her hands grow sweaty and a nervous lump forming in her throat. 

"What's wrong, Lexa?" Clarkes tone had slight concern in it, but it was mostly teasing. "Do you want me to show you what I want to do to you instead?" 

"Fuck," Lexa breathed. She felt her heart thumping against her chest. "I'm nervous. It's been a while." 

"Do you not want to?" Clarke pulled back with hurt and concern plastered across her face. 

"No it's not that. I'm just nervous. I want you, Clarke. I want to feel you. I want to feel your lips and your touch. I want you. I want to feel your breathing when I-" Lexa froze, realizing what she was just about to say. 

Clarke had a devilish smile, "When you… what, Lexa Woods?" 

"I… when I…" Lexa stuttered, trying to find the right words. "When I… fall asleep next to you?" 

"You don't sound too sure about that answer," Clarke started trailing her fingers down Lexas neck and towards the front of her shirt. "What were you going to say?" She continued to slide her fingers down the front of her chest as she made her way to the bottom of the girls shirt. "Tell me. What were you going to say?" 

"I…" Lexa took in a sharp breath when she felt the blonde slide her warm fingers up her stomach. 

"You do work out," Clarke kept slowly trailing her fingers over Lexas stomach. She smiled when she felt the girl tense up. 

"I t-told you I do," Lexa stuttered as Clarkes fingers went up higher. "Clarke." She warned.

"Yes?" Clarke teased. 

"Please," Lexa breathed out when she felt the blonde's hand slide behind her back to unhook her bra.

"Clarke." 

"Yeah?" Clarke slightly pulled back and looked at the girl. 

"Someones calling you," Lexa pointed to Clarkes pocket. 

"Fuck," She quickly pulled out the vibrating phone from her pocket. "Fuck its Raven. If I don't answer she'll track me down." Clarke apologized and answered her phone. "Hello?" 

Lexa reached behind her back and hooked her bra back into place. Her heart still felt like it was about to pound out of her chest. 

"Lexa, I have to go." 

"What?" Lexa looked upset. "I don't want you to." 

"I know, I'm sorry." Clarke stood up. "I'll leave the bottles here for you?"

"Depends if you plan on coming over again or not," Lexa stood up and followed Clarke to the front door. 

"I'll leave them here. Since I know where you live now I can visit anytime, right." Clarke smiled as she put her shoes on. 

"Yeah," Lexa swallowed as she watched the blonde start to leave. "Clarke, wait." Lexa pulled Clarke in towards her as she gently put her lips on the other girls. She smiled against the kiss when she felt Clarke lean into it. 

"I'm really sorry," Clarke said when they slowly pulled away. 

Lexa nodded, "I'll see you another time?" 

Clarke nodded and headed towards the parking lot. 

___

"Fucking Raven!" Clarke mumbled as she drove through the city. "Fucking ruining the moment. Fucking… FUCK!" Clarke could feel herself growing more and more frustrated as she got closer to her apartment. 

She quickly pulled into her parking space and got out of the car and checked her phone. 

'Despite being too nervous to do anything I had fun'  
'And that the moment got ruined :P'

Clarke felt her frustration disappear after reading Lexas messages. 

'Yo'  
'I'm gonna be late'

Clarke rolled her eyes at her friend's message. 

She quickly made her wait to the third floor and walked into her apartment. Clarke sat down on her couch and turned the TV on and let her mind wander. 

She caught herself smiling and gently pressing her fingers to her lips. 

"Yo! Griff! Let me in!" There was a loud banging on her door. 

"Fucking Raven," Clarke grumbled as she slowly got up and opened the door to let her friend in. 

"Hi!" Raven huffed, trying to catch her breath. 

"Why does it look like you've been running?"

"Because I hauled ass to get here. Let me in." Raven pushed her way into the apartment. 

"You said you were running late." 

"Well I was. But I have news!" Raven turned towards her friend and clasped her hands together. "I know who Lexa Woods is!" 

"What?" 

"I know who she is." 

"What… do you mean?" Clarke took a small step towards her friend. 

"Well I don't know who she is but I know what happened to her ex girlfriend."

"She already told me that."

"But did you know it was the same guy who hit your dad?" 

"What?" 

___

"Dude!" Lexa jumped over the counter, startling John. 

"What the fuck, Lexa? There's an entryway so you can come back here, you know that right?" John plopped into his chair at the parts counter. He eyed his friend up and down. "What is it anyway?" 

"Okay so… we almost had sex last night," Lexa got in close to her friend to lower her voice. 

"What? Well why didn't you?" John leaned forward to talk quietly. 

"Her friend called and I guess it interrupted us?" Lexa shrugged. "It was a little intense. We were kinda high and we were going to get drunk, I think, and then I don't know." Lexa smiled fondly at the memory. 

"Did you want to?"

Lexa snapped back to reality and rolled her eyes, "Duh… I think. I got really nervous and I think I was just in the moment. Do you think I should talk to her about it?" 

"Probably?" 

"Woods! Get back to work!" A loud and deep voice called for Lexa.

Lexa flinched and nodded, "I'm thinking of asking if she wants to do a board game night with us. She has some friends who can come." 

John shrugged, "Go for it. It'll make playing some games more fun." 

Lexa smiled and nodded. 

"Woods! Get the fuck back to work!" The voice boomed again. 

Lexa nodded and smiled at her friend before disappearing to the back. 

___

"You know, when you said 'board games' I didn't think you literally meant it," Octavia was looking at the pieces both Lexa and John were setting up. "What's this game called again anyway?" 

"Pandemic!" Lexa beamed. "The rules are a little confusing. We can do a practice round." 

Clarke sat on the couch with two drinks in her hand. She handed one to Lexa as the ice clinked against the glass. 

"Thanks," Lexa took the glass and took a small sip of the brown liquid. 

"Thanks for bringing the alcohol back over. I expected to drink it at your place again." 

Lexa nodded and smiled, "Me too but your place is bigger than mine and Murphy's. Thanks for letting us come over." 

Clarke nodded and took a sip of her drink as her eyes scanned the room. 

"So, Murphy, what is it that you do?" Raven plopped next to him and crossed her legs. 

"I mean I work at the same place as Lexa does. I'm just in the parts department." John continued to set up the board. 

"Do you drink?" 

"Wisely."

Octavia snorted. 

"How is that funny?" Raven glared at her friend. 

"Because it was just an immediate reaction." 

Raven rolled her eyes and leaned towards the board, "I want to be the light green guy." She grabbed the figure and held it up. 

"Well, actually the rules are kinda different," Lexa took the figure from Raven's hand. "So we all have cards that are randomly shuffled and we all blindly pick." Lexa started shuffling a deck of cards labeled as 'roles'. She held the cards face down and let everyone pick one before picking one for herself. 

"Okay so now you match the color of the figure with the card and read the description of the character because they each have a skill." John grabbed the pink figure. 

Lexa grabbed the dark green one. 

Clarke grabbed the turquoise figurine. 

Octavia got the brown one.

"Aw, I wanted to be light green," Raven pouted as she grabbed the orange one. 

"Dude. You got the orange one?" Lexa looked. "Literally, best character ever. Me and Murphy used to cheat when we first played this game to get that guy."

John laughed and nodded, "But we still didn't win. We've played, probably, a hundred times and have only one maybe ten times?"

"What kind of fucking game is this where two nerds cant win?" 

"Hey!" John and Lexa said in unison. 

"They're not as nerdy as you think," Clarke smirked. 

"Anyways, so the rules!" Lexa tried to change the subject. 

"No you two really are," Raven continued. "How many times do you guys go to conventions?" 

"What the fuck is wrong with conventions?" John interjected. 

"Only nerds go to them?"

"That's such a lie! There's celebrities that go to them." Lexa was shuffling another deck that was blue with a cross on them. 

"I never said nerds can't be cool, or famous." 

"Raven, you are literally a bigger nerd than anyone here," Octavia pointed out. "Do you want me to go off about your comic book collection?" 

"So, Murphy," Clarkes eyes were focused on him. "Are you the friend with the matching tattoos?"

John nodded and rolled his short sleeved shirt up to his shoulder, "I'm not as heavily tattooed but yeah." He pointed to the peanut butter toast. He took his watch off and showed the cat from catdog on there. John held up his finger to show off the moustache tattoo and he lifted his shirt above his belly button to show bubble buddy. 

"Jesus fuck you two are lame," Clarke laughed. 

"They're sentimental!" John argued. 

Lexa continued to set up the board while the others talked amongst each other. 

"Okay so explain what's going on," Raven scooted closer to the table. 

"Okay so, the CDC is in Georgia so we put a little house on it. The houses let you travel throughout the different places. It's almost like teleporting." Lexa explained. 

"That doesn't sound realistic," Clarke mumbled into her glass. 

"It's a game for a reason, you fart,'' Octavia play pushed the blonde. 

"Did you just call her a 'fart'?" Murphy snorted when Octavia nodded with a wide grin. 

"You guys are mean!" Clarke rolled her eyes and finished off her drink. 

Lexa watched the interaction unfold when she felt a hand touch her shoulder. She looked over at Clarke and offered a small smile. 

"Do you guys always play boardgames?" Clarke started rubbing Lexas shoulder. 

"Yeah but most of the time people we played with got bored or just didn't want to play anymore." Lexa shrugged. "We always tried to keep it up and kept going once a week." 

"Once a week?" Raven piped up. "You two really are nerds." 

"Takes one to know one."

"Wow, what are we in, like, third grade?" Raven rolled her eyes. 

"You'd know," Lexa smiled. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Nothing, just that you never made it past third grade," Lexas smile grew. 

"I'm an engineer you fuck, I build what you fix!" 

"Yeah and I fix your shitty mistakes and designs." 

"Ooohhh…" Octavia, Clarke, and John all said in unison. 

"What did you say?" 

"Raven, she does martial arts." 

"Yeah and I fucking kick box," Raven stood up to tower Lexa. "What did you say?" 

Lexa stood up, standing slightly taller than Raven, "I said-"

"Lexa, no," Clarke pulled on the brunette's hand. 

"She can handle herself, " Raven smirked. "You want to take this outside?" 

"There's a boxing ring at my gym if you want to go to it." 

"I'm down, we can ditch this board game and I can kick your ass."

"We're drunk," Octavia tried. 

"We can walk." Lexa retorted. 

"I have a skateboard." 

"So do I," Raven's response was immediate. 

"Let's fucking go then." 

"Why don't you two just fight outside so we can get to the game already?" John stood in between the two girls. 

Raven and Lexa glared at each other.

"I'm just teasing," Raven laughed and waved her hand. "I'm glad you stood your ground, Woods."

"Uh huh…" Lexa sat down on the floor and kept her eyes on the blonde. "We're supposed to work together in this game but I don't trust you right now, Reyes." 

"Fight fight!" Octavia shouted. 

"Stop it!" 

"What? This is the most fun I've had in awhile. All we need is the two of you to make out and damn near have sex on the couch before the nights over and it'll be better than college." Octavia gestured between Lexa and Clarke. 

"If we're going to fuck, itll be where you guys arent because I will make Lexa scream my name louder than anything you guys have ever heard." Clarke smirked as she watched Lexas face turn redder and redder with every word. 

"I… um. I… uh…" Lexa stammered as she tried to get her thoughts straight. 

"Dude, gross. Lexas like my family." John picked up his figuring and started toying with it. 

"It's true though, Lexa knows I would."

"So, anyway the game!" Lexa spoke a little too loud as she decided to try and get them back on track. "The rules are simple: We each get four actions, anytime you move one space it counts as one action…" Lexa continued to explain the rules of the game as she kept Clarkes words in the back of her head. 

___

"That was a little intense, wasn't it?" Raven leaned against the counter as Clarke was opening another bottle of whiskey. 

"What was?" Clarke grabbed some ice and put it in a glass. 

"What you said about you and Lexa."

"I like her, and I'm drunk." 

"How much do you like her?" Raven grabbed the glass from Clarkes hand. 

"Hey that's mine." 

Raven took a sip from it and smiled, "Answer the question."

"Enough to have sex with her, is that a good enough answer?" 

"Are you falling for her?" 

"No?" Clarke questioned.

She thought about it for a bit, thinking about all the times she would get giddy at the sound of her name coming from Lexas lips.

The feeling she'd get in her stomach anytime she would think about kissing the girl. 

"I don't think I am."

"Whatever, Griffin. Just be careful." Raven walked out of the kitchen with the glass in her hand. 

'Am I falling for her?' 

Clarke shook her head, "Nah I've only known her for about a month. There's no way." Clarke went back to the main area and sat down with the group, ready for round three of trying to beat this goddamn game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dont worry theres still conflict yet to be resolved :)


End file.
